Life as a Guy or what you will
by Lee Lamprush
Summary: finding a willing guenipig for a new jutsu is hard to do if you don't have a lesson to teach its time Sakura learned to walk a mile in her male counterparts shoes
1. The Mission

Disclaimer: I own nothing the characters belong to who ever owns Naruto and some of the elements I got from Call Me Daddy by Dashed so I really hope no one minds because being spanked with a lawsuit isn't in my future plans.

Chapter one The Mission

"Lady Tsunade!" Shizune said excitedly flinging the door to Hokage's office with a resounding bang.

"What is it now Shizune," Tsunade answered from the piles of paper work stacked like mountains on her desk.

"We have a mission that could wipe out the cost of the last rebuild of Konoha," Shizune said as giddy as schoolgirl with a crush that just asked her out.

"Well what is it," Tsunade asked dreading the possible S rank mission and whom she would have to bury for the good of the village.

"You're the only one who can do this mission its for the Feudal Lord his daughter and only child is in love with a woman and he can't get her to wed even to produce an heir."

"So what is the mission Shizune"

"Umm well that's the hard part he wants us to either find a man his daughter will have or figure out a way for two women to produce a child so he will have a future for his rule."

"Well if she has already tossed away all the men her father can find then I really don't think we can do any better I mean most of the men in Konoha are taken and the ones that are not are not exactly the pick of the litter."

Shizune nodded her head in agreement.

"That only leaves the second option to find a way to change the woman she loves into a man because I am sure that Lord Fujino will want an heir of his blood line."

"I am sure he would love one from both of the blood lines involved her lover is from the only family who could contest his rule," Shizune said as she finished reading the sheet.

"It sounds like both families are in the same boat,"

"Well the Kuga family has a trump card they have another daughter who they could wed for an heir so this can not only get us the money we need for the village but also have the Feudal Lord on our side."

"I am going to need some things from the evidence locker we have with the things Orochimaru left he is the only one I know who has done a internal transformation jutsu none of his jutsu is healthy but its some where to start."

"I will get right on it," Shizune said with a shudder.


	2. WTF

Disclaimer: I still own nothing and I send credit to Dashed just in case I use some thing from a Dashed fiction.

And I would like to thank my little brother for asking the question how different do you think you would be if you were a guy. So this is for my brother one of the coolest guys out there.

OK this is the second chapter it is longer than the first one it was only to get you started. So read review love or burn I don't mind just send it. I mean what can it hurt so help me out if it is not worth going with I do have other fictions in the works that need new chapters so…

Warning: contains male bashing not from wanting to bash guys, but for some perspective for this story.

Inner Sakura

Normal

"What the fuck was that snake thinking. Well this won't work all of these are chemical based transformations that will make a persons reproductive and every other system shrivel up." Tsunade said slamming the last book Shizune brought.

She sighed looking at the clock that stated it was well into the late night or very early morning. She opened one of the drawers of the desk, but once she looked inside a vein in her forehead popped up. Her stash of booze was missing either Shizune hid it or she has been going through more than she thought. She closed the drawer and left to get a drink, and maybe do some therapeutic gaming.

Earlier that day

"Damn it Naruto your timing is off and where the hell has Sai gone he was suppose to be the back up for this." Sakura said pissed dew to the fact they were having so much trouble with a D rank mission.

"Sakura it will be ok we will catch them on the next pass. I am sorry my timing is off I am just a bit distracted to day," Naruto said looking at her chest the whole time he was talking.

**Three guesses of what's distracting him.**

Sakura could feel her teeth grinding as she tried to hold back punching him.

"Are you irritable because you are not getting any," Sai asked with his usual fake smile.

WACK!!!!

"I am sorry Sakura it appears that I got the wrong book for this situation," Sai said pulling a book from his pouch. The title of the book and its writer were how to deal with irritable females by Jiraiya.

Great he went from providing smut for the average pervert to trying to help them out of the crap they get into.

Sakura palmed her face. "Okay why don't we split up to find those messenger ferrets, we will cover more ground that way," Sakura said hoping they would go for it so she wouldn't have to beat them to a pulp to day. She couldn't help but feel down on all men lately they were all disgusting, perverted, brain dead, dirty, smelly and some were even hairy.

"I have an idea that may work," Sai said pulling out his paper and ink. "What better way to find ferrets than with ferrets," he said bringing the ink ferrets to life.

"That a great idea Sai, we turn them loose and hide and you use the radio to contact us when you have them spotted." Naruto said happily.

"I will take that side Naruto you take the other, Sai you stay center."

"Ok let's do this," Naruto said running to position.

Four hours later

"Don't be mad Sakura at least we got them I mean ya we almost didn't but we got them right. Come on I am sorry how about this Ichiraku ramen my treat." Naruto said starting to fidget.

"Fine but I am going to the bath house first to get this mud off me and see to these bruised muscles."

"I think I will go as well I got a new ink that is said to be good for water drawing."

"That sounds cool, I guess all three of us could use a bath the pervy sage always says baths are a part of training.

So the three walked toward the bath house joking around with each other and talking of past missions and laughing at them selves for having so much trouble over some silly ferrets that a couple of love birds lost.

Once the trio made it to the bathhouse they found it packed with people. Most of them were from the construction crews who were relaxing after working on the southern part of the village, that was recently torn apart by a group of ninja who thought attacking the village hidden in the leaves was a capital idea.

'Maybe a bath was a bad idea,' Sakura thought to her self as her shyness started kicking in.

"Well let's get in there before all the clean towels are taken," Sakura said not letting her shy side show with the guys it would only drive them to make a big deal about it.

They walked in and grabbed a towel from the rather short stack of towels sitting by the manager's desk. Sakura then left the guys to go to the women's dressing room and then to the showers to clean up. She was soon soaking in the bath with several other women, who were chatting about how their families were and with the younger and single ones it was plans for the future.

Sakura sat and soaked thinking how odd the conversations were they were helping at the construction site for the most part and all they could talk about was crying babies and romance. She sighed as she thought about why she no longer even thought about those things, and the answer was quite simple or at least it was to her.

Men were the problem. The only guy she loved was a revenge obsessed arrogant asshole with a poor me complex, and her teammates were just as challenging. First there was Naruto who was a brainless wonder and an all around pervert in the making who had some bad concentration issues lately. Then there was Sai who was at least trying to buy a clue with all the books but it seemed no matter how hard he tried he could never seem to hit the nail on the head or anywhere near the nail actually.

She was taken from her thoughts; by the other women in the bath starting a commotion.

"Pardon me ladies but I was distracted by a rather insightful chapter in my book and took a wrong turn. I apologize for my mistake." Kakashi said covering his uncovered eye with his book, but Sakura could tell that behind his mask he was grinning lecherously.

'It's all of them isn't it!' her inner self exclaimed.

'No just all the ones we know,' Sakura thought to her self.

She finished her bath and met her teammates outside over hearing the tail of their conversation with Kakashi who was waiting with them.

"Now it is perfectly natural to wonder about women they are very different from men yet so much like us as well they are quite baffling and that's why when you peek do it discreetly as I did back there."

'Great perverts are born and made'

"I think I will skip on ramen tonight guys I just want to get home and relax." Sakura said through gritted teeth.

As she walked passed them the three of them blinked at her blushing. She walked through the village aimlessly not really ready for bed she needed to unwind and do some detoxing after the day's overdose of testosterone.

She walked to the pub by the Hokage's residence and walked in. it was ran by a widow who served crisp and sweet dumplings with the booze. It was a crisp looking establishment which was recently repainted white with blue trim and the inside was just as nice and clean the hard wood floors freshly waxed and had the golden gleam to go with it. And the best part was it was mostly empty.

She walked up to the bar and took a seat on one of the cushioned stools. Soon the bartender walked by and took her order.

"Yes I will have an order of spicy crisp, brown sugar dumplings and what ever is handy to drink thanks."

"Ok but you asked for it," the bartender said setting her up a cup and a black sake bottle.

She slammed the first already feeling better about the day and soon her food was placed in front of her and she looked up at the bartender before she had a chance to walk away.

"Are all men perverts or is it only the ones I know," Sakura asked the bartender.

"Well I just as soon believe that all men are perverts but it also goes to say that every one men and women have that side to them no one is perfect and we are all (giggled) mindful of how we came to be." The bartender said in a tone that seemed as if she was on the verge of laughing.

Hours later

Tsunade entered the pub walking up to the bar. "I will just have my usual Jean thanks." Tsunade said as the bartender put three white bottles of sake on the bar next to a cup.

Tsunade soon heard a rather heated discussion happening on the other end of the bar and the voice sounded very familiar. She grabbed her bottles and worked her way to the other side of the room where she found her young apprentice all but yelling that men were all perverts and the village should have leash laws on them, especially the ones who could do things like Naruto's sexy jutsu.

And then the thought hit her 'she could use a regular transformation jutsu, which would give the proper illusion, like Naruto's sexy jutsu. It showed how the person would look if they were born the opposite sex, then she would use chakra to change estrogen to testosterone, which should trick the body into making it. That will in turn change the chromosomes. That will give the ability to even produce both sons and daughters. Now all I have to figure out is how to make it stick.' She slammed a cup of sake. 'If I tie both jutsu to feed on the person's own chakra, neither jutsu will take that much to maintain but I will need some one with good chakra control. This is perfect but I need to test it now before I get drunk and forget about it.'

It was that moment that Sakura started blasting on her teammates and Tsunade made up her mind.

'Sakura has perfect chakra control and she could use a lesson in walking a mile in someone else's shoes,' Tsunade thought and then went for it and rushed Sakura using the skills of a top surgeon as she attached the jutsu to Sakura's chakra network.

"What was that for Tsunade sensei?" Sakura asked before promptly passing out.

"Huh I guess it didn't work after all," Tsunade said looking down at the pinkette who was passed out on the floor. 'Now I have to carry her home,' she thought to herself as she finished her first bottle and picked Sakura up tossing her over her shoulder. She walked back to her seat and placed her empty bottle down and plucked up the other two and headed out the door.

"I will be back tomorrow to settle my bill and I will send this mess in to settle hers as well," she said as she left.

Later that morning just before noon

Sakura woke to her head feeling like it had been split open like a melon. The sunlight streaming through the window was painfully blinding and the lacy curtains did nothing to keep the sun out. She looked around she was in her bed but she couldn't for the life of her remember how she got there. She got up from her bed. As she shifted she noticed her panties felt a bit to snug. 'I guess those dumplings when right to my ass,' she thought as she stood up her feet touching the cold dark hard wood floor by her bed her small pink carpet wasn't where it usually was it was by the foot of the bed folded over on it's self. She took her first step and landed face first on the floor.

After picking herself up she rubbed her sore nose and walked very carefully to the restroom, and walked over to the toilet pulled down her panties and was about to sit down when she first noticed it.

"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE! WHAT THE FUCK!"


	3. Why me!

Disclaimer: I own nothing zip zero zilch well maybe a few of the laughs but that is no reason to get bent or sue me so please don't

Note: I had some issues with this one given I am not a guy so I want to thank the guys in my life that have put up with all the questions I asked no matter how uncomfortable they were lol. I would also like to thank DarkInu418 for the cool review you really helped me out of a spot there. Another chapter another chance to tell me keep it or toss it. Flowers or flames I don't mind read review enjoy. Punch and pie for reviews.

Recap:** After picking herself up she rubbed her sore nose and walked very carefully to the restroom, and walked over to the toilet pulled down her panties and was about to sit down when she first noticed it.**

"**AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE! WHAT THE FUCK!" **

"Oh shit oh shit what the how the hell did this happen!" Sakura said hyperventilating and in a panic.

"**Ok calm down this has to be a genjutsu right," inner Sakura said trying not to panic.**

Sakura put her hands together in a hand sign.

"Release," she shouted then opened her eyes slowly looking down and it was still there and beginning to dribble with the need to pee.

"It's still there," Sakura said beginning to cry.

"**This isn't good how the hell are we suppose to use this thing?" inner Sakura yelled beginning to panic.**

'How the hell should I know its not like I dealt with this before,' Sakura responded to her inner self.

"**Well how do guys go they do it standing up right so I guess grab it point and fire."**

'I am not touching that thing'

"**Well it ours right but fine if you don't want to touch it then just stand over the toilet and go."**

Sakura walked over to the toilet and hung the newly acquired penis over the bowl and started to go only to have a stream of pee shoot to the side and hit the roll of toilet paper that was in the holder. She jumped unable to stop the flow. She stepped to the side to try to compensate only to have the stream to go straight down and onto the floor she went back to her original position while avoiding standing in the puddle she just made. Even with the mess she made it had never felt so good to pee. When she was done she noticed it was still dribbling a little so she waited and bounced a little trying to get it to stop.

'**Should we wipe it?'**

'I don't know I don't think guys wipe it.'

'**Well I think we should it could still have some in there.'**

Sakura reached under the bathroom cabinet and pulled out a new roll of toilet paper pulled some off the roll and began to wipe the tip off only to get a slight jolt as she felt it began to get stiff.

'Responsive thing isn't it'

'Yes it is,' Sakura thought feeling a chill go up her spine.

She started to pull up her panties only to stop when she remembered how uncomfortably tight they were. She pulled them off and walked to her room to see if she could find something to wear. She had to get to Tsunade to see if her sensei could help her with this problem. She walked into her room and looked through her closet looking for the outfit she had to wear on the mission to the land of ice which was a pair of lose pants and a baggy shirt. Finding it and taking it out of the closet she laid it on the bed and started taking off the rest of her clothes, which were feeling tight in places, they normally didn't. Her shirt was close to ripping at the shoulders but it wasn't as tight in the chest as it was yesterday and the only thing keeping her skirt up was her ass.

She pulled off her shirt and found the cups of her bra flattened.

'I know I didn't have much there to start with but now I have nothing,' she thought starting to cry a bit

'**Come on now we will go to Tsunade sensei and she will help us get back to normal so stop crying and get dressed so we can get there faster.'**

Sakura nodded to herself and began to pull on the clothes. The shirt that was once too big for her now fit perfectly. She buttoned it up and rolled up the sleeves and then started to pull on the pants. Once she got them up and buttoned she noticed the legs came up almost to her knees. She went to the closet to grab a pair of boots to compensate for the length and started to pull the plain black boots on only to notice her feet were several sizes bigger that they were yesterday.

"SHIT," she yelled tossing the boot at the wall.

'Lets just go like this I am sure it won't be that bad'

'I don't have a choice,' she thought to herself as she walked out the door and on to the busy street.

At the office of the Hokage

'I don't even know what to rank this mission much less where to start on how to do it,' Tsunade thought to herself as she closed yet another book on transformation jutsu.

"Lady Tsunade there is a young man here to see you he says he is Sakura and refuses to leave and I think he may have some relation to her he does look like her but last I checked Sakura was a girl," Konoka said looking at her baffled.

"Thank you Konoka send him in and tell no one about this."

"Yes my lady."

Soon after she left the office door pushed open roughly causing it to hit the wall with a loud bang. She looked up to find a very good-looking young man with a dark reddish pink hair and vivid green eyes that had tears in them. He had the body of a god muscular and fit not skinny and almost famine like most of the young men you see around the village. He was dressed oddly in pants that were way to short for him and a shirt to heavy even for the mild winters of the village but the strangest thing was he wasn't wearing any shoes.

"It's me Tsunade sensei Sakura I need your help I was fine yesterday but when I woke up I I I I well I'm a boy. Please help me." Sakura said in a rich deep voice.

"I guess the jutsu has a delayed effect hum I didn't see that one coming," Tsunade mumbled to herself.

"Can you help find a way to change me back."

"No, I need you for a mission."

"I can't do a mission like this, I can't even function like this. I pissed all over my bathroom this morning, I can't even fit any of my clothes."

"Don't worry we will find you something to wear as for the rest well I would suggest you get use to your new body."

"What do you mean get use to it?"

"Well last night at the pub you were trashing guys. Long story I did the jutsu while I was drunk I don't know how to reverse it. It's very complex so it may take a while to reverse. This jutsu is why I need you for this mission.

"You did this to me?"

"Yes but it was necessary both for the village and to keep you from becoming a harpy."

'**She needs to die.' Inner Sakura said cracking her knuckles.**

"Why did it have to be me?" Sakura asked shaking with anger.

"First because I needed someone with good chakra control for this mission, secondly you needed to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. I understand men can be very irritating but it works both ways."

Sakura gritted her teeth trying to hold in the need to punch her sensei. She stood there for a moment wondering if it would be worth the month in a body cast to at least try to kick the shit out of her.

"Do you at least want to know what the mission is?"

"Not really but since I am already stuck like this why not." Sakura said her male voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Well now that you are a man I need to know if you can father a child."

"ARE YOU CRAZY!"

"We need this for the village the money we will be getting for this mission will not only wipe out the village's debt it will make our relationship with the feudal lord more stable. The mission is to find a way for the lord's daughter to give birth to an heir when her lover is a woman."

"As you can see you have already messed up this mission I am no longer a woman."

"Well that's the thing the only partner she will have is the person she loves so I just as soon turn her lover into a man. If they are truly love each other it shouldn't matter."

"Okay so let me make sure I understand you. You made me a guy so I could get some girl knocked up to prove that your jutsu works."

"That's the short story."

"And this doesn't seem wrong to you? When this is over I will be a parent at eighteen and what about the girl who will have the baby do you have her picked out or is that up to me to figure out?"

"Does it seem right to you that we have five hundred people living on the streets because six morons destroyed their homes. Is it right that our shinobi have to die on missions that are more often than not wild goose chases to find money rather than the ones we are hired for because things are bad. I have weighed the repercussions of this the birth of one child who will likely grow up to save lives and by just being produced will bring the village back to being a place were the children born in it have a chance to live past sixteen." Tsunade said bitterly looking down at her student.

"Fine I will do it I don't know how and there were better people for this mission I am still a virgin for crying out loud."

"Well I guess you will have to learn which shouldn't be hard I mean you are a very attractive young man the girls will be lining up for you, once we get you cleaned up a bit."

"What if I can't find a girl?"

"Then we will figure out some thing." Tsunade said picking up the phone on her desk. "I need you to find Shizune and send her to me."

After putting down the phone she put up her hand lifting her fingers one at a time when she reached five the door flew open.

"You needed me Lady Tsunade?" Shizune asked breathlessly.

"I need you to take Sakura here to get a hair cut and some clothes and some male personal effects."

Shizune looked over at the other person in the room and her jaw would have been on the floor if it wasn't attached.

"That's Sakura?"

"Yes Shizune it's me. Can we just get this done so I can get back to being myself again?"

"But how, did you use Orochimaru's notes?"

"No those things were useless but we will talk about this later. The sooner we get her out there the sooner we complete this mission."


	4. Making the man

Disclaimer: I said it before I own nothing just using my own mind to corrupt things others own in a totally nonprofit kind of way so don't run for the lawyer I am not making any money here.

Note: thank you to all that are reading this fiction. I hope you like where I take it. To any guys reading this if I get something wrong tell me so I can fix it and if you find this story offensive I am sorry that is not my intent. So read review enjoy I put out cup cakes and sodas this round lol.

Recap: "Yes Shizune it's me. Can we just get this done so I can get back to being myself again?"

"But how, did you use Orochimaru's notes?"

"No those things were useless but we will talk about this later. The sooner we get her out there the sooner we complete this mission."

**Inner Sakura**

Making the man

"So how is it?"

"How's what Shizune?"

"Being a guy, do you feel any different?"

"I don't know yet other than the hangover, pissing all over my bathroom and none of my clothes fitting, I guess I feel about the same but I think it's a bit soon to assume anything."

"Here this should help with the hangover," Shizune said putting something that looked much like a food pill in her hand. "As for the clothes we will be fixing that soon. The pee thing I am sure you will get the hang of that as you get use to your body, if nothing else you could ask your teammates for help I am sure they would know how to.

As they were walking Shizune couldn't help but to, notice almost every woman and girl they passed head turned looking at Sakura. It was amazing they were looking at her as if she were something made of chocolate. Shizune looked at her companion to see what all the fuss was about only to be stunned. As a man Sakura looked amazing her complexion was fair when she was a girl but now she was sinfully creamy. Her shoulders were broad as was her chest, but it wasn't overly so. She was the perfect build to model for frescos and statues. Then there was her face which always looked kind and gentle was the same only now it also looked strong and cute with the expression she was wearing, which was confused and some what pained as she put the pill in her mouth.

Sakura noticed that Shizune was staring at her as they walked up to the barbershop.

"What is it Shizune do I have something on my face."

"It's nothing," Shizune said feeling a bit weird for looking at the girl like that.

They walked into the barbershop. Sakura sat in the empty chair and waited for the old man to come out.

"So let's have a look at what we have to work with here shall we?" The old man said stepping out from the back.

He was a kind looking old man, with a head full of slate gray hair and the air of youth that was odd for a man his age.

"You have let yourself get shaggy boy, but that is all well and good it means more to cut."

"Well sir I haven't had a chance to get it cut for a long time now I have been to busy."

"You're here now so how do you want it," the old man said pointing at a picture with cuts on it.

Sakura looked at the poster and chose a simple cut that was short enough to look clean but long enough to comb back. The best part about it was that it covered her forehead a bit. She smiled as the old man passed her a mirror to look at the cut it gave her a dashing look. She passed the old man the money for the cut and a tip for his good nature and her and Shizune left.

They walked down the street to the men's clothing store, which surprised her by how much of a selection they had. Shizune started grabbing hangers and before Sakura knew it she was ushered into a dressing room with the clothing trust at he along with a few pairs of boxers and a package of socks.

She pulled on the boxers. They felt a bit uncomfortable but she did feel more secure with them on. She finished getting dressed and stepped out of the fitting room wearing a dark green T-shirt with the leaf symbol on it, a pair of lose black pants and a pair of black sandals. As Shizune looked at her it was clear that the new clothes only mad her look more devastatingly hansom.

"I guess what they say is true the clothes do make the man." Shizune said kicking herself for ogling the younger girl.

"I am just happy to be in clothes that fit me properly. Now that I have some clothes what's next."

"Well we need to get you some bath stuff shaving supplies things like that guy stuff. We really should get a man to do this for you but I really can't think of anyone who could do it, but don't worry my big brother use to take me shopping with him all the time so I know what you will need."

"That's comforting," Sakura said walking to the register to pay out.

Once they were finished there Sakura was pulled to the next store. Where they picked up all she would need to keep clean and well groomed. Through all of this she finely realized why guys hated shopping, it took all day and her savings were feeling a lot lighter in her wallet, and her wallet like everything else on her was new. The stores were closing by time they were finished shopping for everything she would need.

She carried all the bags and started putting things away. She shoved her old clothes to one side of the closet and put her old under things into her mission packs and started to replace the empty space with boxers and the clothing she had bought that day. She then went into the bathroom and placed all her lotion, body washes, makeup, conditioner, and everything else that she use to use into a basket and put it under the sink with the cleansers and scrub brushes. After she got all her new supplies set up in the proper places she started cleaning the bathroom of her earlier spray.

Soon she had the bathroom clean and disinfected, only to realize she really needed to go.

'**Okay let give this another try, are you going to hold it this time?' inner Sakura asked. **

'I am not touching that thing if I start slow I should be able tell which direction it will go'

'**Fine lets do this if guys can do it so can we,' inner said putting up her fist.**

Sakura pulled her pants and boxers down to her knees and hung herself over the toilet just like she did that morning and tried to concentrate on going slow only to have it come out in a rush and split into two streams going the opposite directions.

"Shit," Sakura yelled before her hand instinctively reached down and took hold of the offending limb.

Once she had a hold of it the hair that was splitting the stream got lose and the stream went straight again. Though not before the damage was done. She had lost yet another roll of toilet paper and her freshly disinfected floors and counter was now covered with pee again. She dropped the new limb and when she was done did the same wait and bounce game to get the dribble to stop. She then grabbed her last useable roll of toilet paper from under the sink and wiped the tip getting the same jolt and chill up her spine as the last time.

She cleaned the bathroom yet again and then went to her room and got her new pajamas, which were a pair of green silk sleep pants. She sighed, now that her breast were gone she no longer needed a top. She took off her shirt and stood in front of the mirror and looked at herself.

**'We are hotter than Sasuke!'**

Sakura looked at herself touching her chest and face in amazement. She looked the same but so very different. Even as a girl she had always looked like her dad but now she could see every thing she had in common with her mother. She had her dad's hair; eyes and well the curse of the forehead but that aside she looked a lot like her mom's dad who had the wide shoulders and the muscular and fit frame. Her father was a tall and thin and as a man she was at least six feet one inch. She ran her hand through her new hair cut and turned away from the mirror having to agree with her inner self as a man she made Sasuke look like a chump.

She went back to the bathroom with her pajamas in hand, finished striping down and got in the shower. She let the warm spray wash over her for a bit before she picked up her new body wash and a sponge. The body wash had a sharp woodsy smell that was relaxing. She put some on the sponge and started to scrub herself down. She soon had nothing else to clean but her new bits and the thought made her eyebrow twitch.

**'Haha now you have to touch it'**

'Oh shut up' she thought to her self as she thought of how to go about cleaning that area.

She ran the sponge over it only to have it jump at the touch of the rough sponge. Thinking the reaction was a bit funny she repeated the action. Once she was no longer distracted by the actions of her new body part she notice that the action felt good and it was growing. It was like scratching an itch only it ran deeper and it felt so good she couldn't stop. Soon her hips were bucking into the touch on their own, she dropped the sponge and her hand curled around the limb and began to pump squeeze making her hips buck faster her knees began to feel weak but she kept going. Soon she felt an explosion of bliss as it jerked in her hand spewing a fluid that was a bit thicker than pee, her knees buckled and she fell in a boneless heap in the tub.

'**What the hell was that' inner Sakura asked in a pleased and sleepy voice.**

'I think I just just just'

'**You played with your snake hahaha you know gave yourself the low five, walked your dog, said hi to the one eyed monster, masturbated' **

'Well if nothing else it's user friendly' she thought to herself as she shook off the shock of what she had just done.

**'I think we may find some basic instructions on this thing'**

'Humph,' she answered herself as she finished her shower by washing her hair. When she was done she put on her boxers and sleep pants and fell in the bed asleep before she landed.

Her stomach woke her up the next morning growling like a beast ready to rip something apart. She got up and went to have her daily battle with going pee and she managed not to make as big of a mess as she had the last two times most likely because she held it. She then cleaned the bathroom and brushed her teeth and combed her hair and got dressed quickly before her stomach tried to eat it's self.

She went to fridge only to find an apple some old takeout boxes that smelled funny and some expired yogurt. She grabbed the apple and walked out the door to find something to fill her stomach.

As she walked down the street she found the only vender open at this time in the morning was Ichiraku's Ramen bar. She walked up took a seat and looked up at the board. Soon the old man's daughter was standing in front of her with heart in her eyes.

"What can I get for you today," she asked in a dreamy voice.

"I would like your biggest bowl of combination ramen with extra meat please," Sakura said a bit unnerved by the way the woman reacted to her.

Before she knew it a large bowl of ramen was sitting in front of her. The smell alone made her stomach let lose a loud growl. She grabbed a set of chopsticks and dug in eating it very quickly.

"I would like another one just like this one please," Sakura said to the old man's daughter who was looking at her with hearts in her eyes.

By time Sakura got to her fifth bowl she noticed the woman only took her eyes off her to fetch her more ramen. 'Maybe Tsunade was right' she thought to herself as she picked up her bill and pulled out her wallet to pay. She pulled out the money for the food and handed it to her but before she could pull her hand back the woman grabbed it holding her there.

"You will come back right," she asked fluttering her lashes

"Sssure," Sakura said swallowing hard her eyes wide.

When she let Sakura go Sakura put a tip on the bar and left quickly and went straight to Tsunade's office.


	5. welcome to the land of tea

Disclaimer: still not making any money on this meaning I still own nothing.

Warning: may contain subject material of a sexual nature. Rated M for a reason you have been cautioned.

Note: thanks for all the great reviews I am happy to hear you are all getting a laugh. Like the reviews keep them coming they keep me going. This is going to be a long chapter with a lot of info in it, so get your laughs and drama here. Lol

**Inner Sakura**

Recap: "You will come back right," she asked fluttering her lashes

"Sssure," Sakura said swallowing hard her eyes wide.

When she let Sakura go Sakura put a tip on the bar and left quickly and went straight to Tsunade's office.

Welcome to the land of Tea

"So what you are saying is that is what Sakura would really look like as a boy?" Shizune asked in wonder.

"Yes by combining the sexy jutsu and a hormonal change to the body she is exactly as she would be if she would have been born male." Tsunade said becoming frustrated with her assistant.

There was a tap on the door ending the conversation.

"It's open," Tsunade said happy to be interrupted. "Lady Tsunade Sakura is back and wants to talk to you." Konoka said with a blush on her face. "Send her in Konoka." Tsunade said with a smirk, knowing why the girl was blushing. "Yes my lady," Konoka said walking out of the office with more sway to her hips. "That's what I was telling you about she has that effect on all the women and it is worse now that she has been cleaned up." Shizune said taking note of the girl's blush as well.

"Well that's a good thing the more attractive she is the better her chance to get a girl in bed."

Sakura ran into the office shutting the door quickly behind her.

"I am so not comfortable with this," Sakura said her deep voice horse and a bit panicked.

"What's wrong," Tsunade asked amused by Sakura's expression.

"I think there maybe something wrong with Konoka."

"She seemed fine when she was in here."

"That's good," Sakura said not wanting to talk about what had just happened.

"I am glad you're here though," Tsunade said tossing her a plastic cup with a lid and a blank label. "I need a sample."

"Good I needed to go anyway," Sakura said.

"Not a urine sample kid," Tsunade said with a smirk.

"Wwwhat kind of sample," Sakura asked swallowing hard.

"What other kind would I want that comes from a cup like that"

"I am not sure I can sensei," Sakura said remembering the bruises she got from falling in the shower.

"Well if you have any trouble getting it I am sure Konoka will be more than happy to help you with it." Tsunade said looking Sakura over, she could tell what the fuss was over.

What she seen was a good looking clean cut boy that all young girls would dream up as a good husband and father. 'Why is Shizune so panicked its not like Sakura has the bad guy look that would really set girls off. I do have to admit though she does have that Adonis look about her which would draw a lot of attention. The boys here where at her age were not as well filled out as she was.' Tsunade thought to herself then turned away as she noticed she was beginning to have bad thoughts about her student.

"Fine but where do you want me to do this," Sakura asked turning the same shade reddish pink as her hair.

"Well why don't you use the restroom upstairs."

With out a word Sakura left the office and went the upstairs into the privet restroom. She walked up to the toilet and pulled her pants and boxers to her knees and took a pee she wasn't lying about having to go. She was happy none got on the floor but she was still a bit nervous about getting the sample she didn't even know how she went about doing what she did last night.

**'Well you started by running the sponge over it.'**

'Maybe if I just run my hand over it,' Sakura thought.

**'Could work.'**

She ran her hand down its length but nothing happened. So she wrapped her hand around it and began to pump only getting the feeling of scratching an itch but not where the itch was.

**'You were it was covered in soap last time so find some soap.'**

'And get killed for giving sensei a contaminated sample no way!'

**'Then how are we going to do this.'**

'Well if I think back I remember that I heard Naruto say to Sai that thinking of women gave him that feeling down there. So all I really need to do is relax and think of something pleasant.'

'**It's worth a try anything to keep sensei from killing us but what are we going to think about.'**

'Well how about I start with things that make me calm then we work from there.' Sakura thought as she went back to pumping the slightly responsive limb.

She started thinking of laying in the grass after practice and watching the clouds go by and by thinking of that Shikamaru popped in her head.

**'Ewe you just thought of Shikamaru. Why the hell were you thinking of him for.'**

'I wasn't I was thinking of laying in a field watching clouds.'

'**That explains it what does Shikamaru do most of the time.'**

'Sleeps in the field after watching clouds.'

**'Okay you need to relax.'**

'You saying it won't make it happen,' trying to think of a time she was this frustrated all the sudden her thoughts drifted toward Ino and how she was always this frustrating.

'**We have action down here keep that thought.'**

Sakura kept thinking of Ino and continued to pull her hand up and down the limb that as finely showing that it was alive. She thought of the last time she had seen Ino it was at the flower shop and she leaned over the counter giving a small boy a flower to take to his mom. She remembered the how she was wearing a blue v-neck that day and as she leaned down it looked like she was about to spill out of her shirt. Her hips were now bucking on their own and her hand moved faster but instead of feeling good like last night she started feeling uncomfortable and the pumping was beginning to hurt.

She stopped and sighed the limb was still ready swollen and sticking straight out.

'Its starting to hurt'

'**Just use the soap it we don't get any on the tip it should be fine.'**

Sakura got up and went to the soap dispenser and gave it a pump ran a little water and worked it into lather. She then rinsed off the hand she would be using to hold the cup. She coated the limb with the soap being careful not to get any on the tip and started stroking it while picturing Ino at the flower shop bent over flowers working. Soon the thoughts were getting more vivid she could see a bead of sweat running between her breast. Her hips were bucking at an uneven pace and she felt the same explosive feeling she had in the shower. It took all her will power to catch what she could of the fluid in the cup as she pumped and squeezed. She felt the warm wet fluid on her hand she looked down when she was done hoping she didn't miss the cup only to find she had over filled it. She put the lid on it and wiped it off with a paper towel. She then wet a paper towel and started to clean the soap off, but the moment she touched it she just about jumped out of her skin.

'**Don't touch it!'**

'But I need to get the soap off.'

'**Then just run water over it.'**

Sakura took off her pants and boxers so she wouldn't get them wet fighting the urge to just lay down on the floor and take a nap. She filched as the cool water hit her but was soon use to it as soon as the soap was off she put her pants and boxers back on grabbed the cup and dragged herself back down the stairs.

She stumbled into the office with her hair sticking up on one side and a sleepy goofy look on her face. She stumbled over to the desk and slammed the cup down.

"Is that enough," Sakura asked yawning.

"More than adequate," Tsunade said tossing the cup to Shizune. "Take that to the lab and check the potency."

"Yes lady Tsunade."

"Sakura you…" Tsunade started but stopped seeing Sakura already passed out on her corner couch snoring lightly. "You just keep doing what you're doing," she said shaking her head.

"I heard that you got a mission from the feudal lord," Jiraiya said from his seat on the window ledge.

"Yes I did and I was hoping you could help me out with that, you see Sakura doesn't know anything about being a guy."

"Why would Sakura need to know about being a guy."

"For starters she is one now," Tsunade said pointing at the handsome young man who was passed out on her corner couch. "I need her to father a child soon for this mission, can you help or not?"

"Well I was here to take Naruto on a trip to the land of Tea so one more shouldn't hurt." Jiraiya said trying to sound reluctant, but knowing that he was just given the perfect bate for lovely young women.

"What are you planing to do in the land of Tea."

"I was planing on giving Naruto some training with women."

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Good as soon as I get her results back I will inform her of the trip."

"We will be waiting by the gate after breakfast." Jiraiya said leaving.

Sakura woke to her head in Konoka's lap with the sixteen year old stroking her hair. As much as Sakura hated to admit it she never woke up so pleasantly.

"Ah your awake." Konoka said smiling sweetly her light brown eyes looking down at her with want.

"Konoka what are you doing?" Sakura asked nervously.

"Waiting for you to wake up silly."

"I don't think your boyfriend will like that much," Sakura said thinking of the kind hearted shy boy she was with and how good they looked together.

The look of want left the lovely girls eyes to be replaced by confusion then panic. It was then that Sakura understood what had happened Tsunade used the sexy jutsu in combination with something else and didn't take away the siren effect that Naruto added to it. She had to find a way to release it with out doing her self harm by twisting the jutsu and quick before Konoka was no longer distracted by her true love. Both the first part and the siren sign were illusions there for genjutsu but how did she have them attached to her chakra network. Sakura did the only thing she could she made the hand symbol over Konoka.

"Release," Sakura said.

Konoka got up quickly form the couch and looked at Sakura then glanced down.

"I am sorry Sakura I don't know what came over me please forget this happened."

"It's fine it wasn't your fault there was a siren jutsu, it is really fine think nothing of it. Why don't you go home I will be fine." Sakura said wondering were every one was.

"Lady Tsunade told me to tell you to meet her at the widow's place when you woke up." Konoka said before all but running from the room.

'**Great I need to talk to her anyway,' inner Sakura said cracking her knuckles.**

Sakura got up from the couch and stretched letting her back and neck pop. With a sigh she walked out the door and toward the pub. No sooner she walked through the door of widow's pub all heads in the place turned toward her. Ignoring the attention she walked up to Tsunade, who was sitting at the bar nursing her usual, and chatting with the widow.

"You do know that part of the sexy jutsu is a siren jutsu," Sakura said in an angry whisper.

"I told you I did it while I was drunk so that didn't accrue to me at the time."

"And not warning me after you sobered up was just for giggles right," Sakura said getting more pissed.

"I had forgotten it was there until you showed up to day and well Shizune told me about the heads you were turning while shopping, but I thought that was just because you are a good looking boy."

"Well just so you know I released Konoka from the jutsu."

"Why she would make a good mother?"

"I thought the Hokage was suppose to know about what was going on in the village. Well Konoka has a boyfriend who will most likely be proposing to her soon. Hell even I know all she talks about most days is her beloved Set-Chan."

"Konoka's love is Setsuna of the Sakurazaki clan. Think about it Sakura what does the siren jutsu do."

"It makes members of the opposite sex who would normally find you unattractive find you irresistible. But that makes since she is in love with someone else."

"Physical attraction has little to do with true love. The sooner you realize that the sooner you will find that what you are doing will not just get money for the village it will also settle unrest with some of the clans who have only female heirs. Clans like the Sakurazaki and Konoe clans who are a step away from killing each other."

"Setsuna is a woman?"

"Ding ding someone get this girl or hahaha boy a cookie. I told you always look at the bigger picture with this jutsu we can fix a lot of the problems we have now that is if it works."

"Then why didn't you use Setsuna or Konoka for this jutsu?"

"Because they are still working on their chakra control, I was drunk, you were dissing your teammates and handy. What do you want me to say I am not sorry but I do think you should do some soul searching and be a man about this." Tsunade said the last part laughing.

"I need a drink," Sakura said looking up at the widow who was tending the bar that night. "I will take what ever she is having," she said pointing at Tsunade whose cheeks were already flushed with drink.

"Sure thing handsome," she said sitting a bottle and cup in front of her.

Sakura took the bottle and poured a cup then slammed it looking out at the packed pub.

"You shouldn't be drinking you have to be up early tomorrow."

"What do you mean I have to be up early tomorrow its not like I have a mission that doesn't involve dropping my pants."

"Well you are going with Naruto and Jiraiya to the land of tea to learn about being a guy."

**'Great she is sending us off with the two of the worse guys to learn from.'**

"Why does it have to be those two?"

"Because like you they were handy and that is why they are going to the land of tea anyway."

"So basically they are going to hit all the tea houses and strip clubs in the city. I don't have money for that crap."

"Here consider it a small advance for this mission," Tsunade said placing a wad of notes on the bar. "Now go and remember if you come back acting like them I won't be happy about it. I know you are better than that." She said looking at her student with a piercing gaze.

"I understand TTTsunade sensei."

"Sakura finished her drink and left the pub her thoughts beginning to bother her."

'**You know she's right this will help the village in more ways than one.'**

'Yes I know I am not even into girls. How am I suppose to father a child with someone I am not even attracted to.'

'**I think the real question you should be asking your self is why was it that thinking about Ino was the only reason we were able to get that sample.'**

It was that comment that got her thinking about it. 'Why did she think of Ino like that?' She thought to herself then jumped, as she felt the new appendage jump in her pants. 'Ino was beautiful but who didn't think so the girl was a knock out, hell why she wasn't already married with kids already.' She thought picturing Ino in nothing but the matching black bra and panties she seen her in the last time they were at the bathhouse at the same time. It was then she realized, 'I always look at Ino.' She thought shocked at the realization.

'**Is she dating anyone? If not she would be perfect she is hot and her family has a kekkei genkai.' Inner Sakura said pushing the idea.**

'I guess it would be fine if she liked me not this jutsu but me I will get my true self back after this mission.'

'**Good luck finding a girl who will have your kid and fall for a girl after.'**

'Well I can at least find a woman who will have my kid and let me be a part of its life.' She thought becoming sad with this line of thinking.

She unlocked her apartment and walked in pulling off her shirt and tossing it in to the wicker hamper by the door. She looked around noticing her place the dark hardwood floors, the full sized bed in the corner unmade with the pink sheets tangled up with the red bed spread, the white leather sofa that was on the other wall in front of an old TV. While on the other side of the room was what she called the kitchen and that was a mini fridge, an industrial coffee maker and a camp stove. Her place was Ok but it was still two rooms and one of those being the bathroom.

'**We are going to have to move soon there is not enough room here for a kid.'**

'Well I guess I will start looking for a place when I get back from the land of tea.' She thought as she finished taking off her pants. She walked to her bed and crawled in the booze finely hitting her 'I wonder why Ino isn't married yet,' she thought as she fell asleep with visions of Ino taking her clothes off in her head.

Sakura woke the next morning to her bare chest being stroked lightly. She looked over to find Ino smiling at her warmly.

"It's about time you woke up," Ino said leaning down kissing her softly at first but it heated up quick soon after Ino started nibbling her lower lip.

Sakura groaned into the kiss then rolled them over pinning Ino under her grinding her hips into Ino's causing her to moan into the kiss parting her lips. Sakura took advantage of the opening her tongue was met by Ino's as the two dueled for supremacy. They broke the kiss gasping for air Sakura recovered first dropping down to kiss and nip at Ino's neck. Ino reached into Sakura's boxers and started stroking her making Sakura freeze and gasp. Sakura's hands drifted to Ino's hips noticing she was wearing nothing past her waist causing Sakura to shudder as Ino pulled her boxers down as far as she could then kicking them the rest of the way off as Sakura unbuttoned the shirt Ino was wearing. Sakura dropped back to her neck kissing and nipping down to her breast wasting no time taking one of the nipples in her mouth and started to lick and nibble it gently. Ino moaned her name sending a ripple of pleasure down her spine. Ino started stroking her again making Sakura tense before her hips started bucking at the stroking hand.

"Please Sakura now please," Ino moaned

Sakura wasting no time positioned herself and pressed into her core.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Sakura woke falling out of bed and feeling sticky and wet.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"I'll be there in a minuet," she said feeling embarrassed and annoyed.

She looked at the clock.

'**What the hell it three in the morning who the hell would be banging on my door at this time of night,' inner Sakura said digging out a club with spikes.**

'I don't know but if this isn't important they are going to wish they hadn't.'

She walked to the door and answered it to find Naruto looking at her funny.

"Who the hell are you and where is Sakura?" Naruto asked in a growl.

"I am Sakura you idiot now get in here be quiet and let me sleep until a decent hour we have a long way to go later and I need more sleep before I have the patents to deal with you more or less explain this." Sakura said pulling him in then turning on her heel grabbing a fresh pair of boxers and going to the bathroom. She cleaned herself up and got back in bed."

"How do I know you are Sakura?" Naruto asked looking at the big guy in the bed who was saying he was a girl.

"Because I am and if you don't shut up I will surgically remove your voce box then use it beat you to a pulp."

"Well you do sound like her." He said looking at the guy who stood a few inches taller than he did. He noticed the guy's hair had more red than Sakura's did but it was still pink, he then looked into the blood shot green eyes that were the exact shade of green as hers. 'If this guy wasn't her he had to be related some how,' Naruto thought settling down.

"Fine sleep but you have to explain how you got this way when you wake up."

"I will explain after I sleep get dressed and drink my first pot of coffee," Sakura said pulling a pillow over her head and going back to sleep.

She woke up four hours later to the sound of the TV being up to loud and Naruto yelling excitedly at it. She groaned and got up went to the bathroom and got dressed. She then started a pot of coffee her stomach growling the whole time. She put a couple extra scoops for the extra kick she would need to get through this morning.

"Hey your up…" Naruto started.

"No talking until I get coffee," Sakura said through gritted teeth.

'Maybe this was Sakura only she could be this scary before she got coffee.'

Sakura downed her coffee only filching once being use to drinking the hot beverage fast dew to long hours at the hospital. After she finished the pot of coffee she sat beside Naruto who was sitting on the sofa watching her instead of the anime that was on the TV.

"So how did you end up like that?" Naruto asked now believing that this guy was Sakura.

"So now you believe me," she said exasperated.

"Well I don't know anyone else who can drink a pot of coffee in under thirty minuets," Naruto said shrugging as if it was obvious.

"Tsunade sensei picked me for a mission and this is part of it she did a jutsu on me that's a combination of your sexy jutsu and some other jutsu that I haven't figured out yet and mad me like this and that is about it."

"What's the mission I might be able to help," Naruto asked looking jazzed.

"You can't help with this one and I would rather not talk about it," Sakura said hoping he didn't get hung up on helping her with this. "I need to pack a few things then we can go get some thing to eat." She said knowing they would be going to Ichiraku's.

"Cool lets go get some ramen."

Sakura packed some clothes remembering this morning she packed a few extra pairs of boxers, she then packed her bathroom stuff pausing to look in the mirror. She noticed she was beginning to grow facial hair. She sighed and pulled the shaving kit back out of her backpack and started to lather her face. It was going well before she got to her chin and the space above and below her lips.

'Ouch damn it!'

'**You're a surgeon for crying out loud there is no reason you should be cutting yourself this much.'**

'I know but this is not as easy as I thought it would… Ouch!' she thought as she nicked her chin for the second time. When she was finely done with only four cuts she wiped her face and healed her cuts. She then pulled out a bottle of after shave and splashed some in her hand then rubbed her hands together then applied them to her face. She suppressed a yelp as she felt the burn but soon became use to it as she rubbed her freshly shaved face.

'**Just like a freshly peeled grape.'**

She shrugged and put the kit back in the bag then grabbed her wallet and the wad of notes Tsunade gave her last night and stashed it in the pocket of her black pants. She then grabbed her headband and tied it to hang around her neck not placing it on her forehead because of her promise to Ino. She motioned for Naruto to lead the way out she followed putting on her backpack and locking the door.

Soon they were sitting at Ichiraku's Naruto ordering his ramen enthusiastically as the girl just starred at Sakura.

"Release," Sakura whispered doing the hand sign hoping that she would snap out of it.

She remained just as she was with hearts in her eyes and ignoring Naruto. Sakura looked her directly in the eyes and smiled. The girl smiled back and walked over to her.

"What can I get for you today handsome," she said flirting.

"I would like a large BBQ pork ramen for my friend there and I want a chicken ramen with bean sprouts and curry."

"Coming up," she said with a wink.

"How did you do that?" Naruto asked in awe.

"I don't know and if I did I would make it stop," Sakura said palming her face then laying her head on the bar.

"Why would you stop? It would be great if I could get girls to notice me like that." Naruto said looking at her like she was insane.

"I am not all that interested in being noticed by guys or girl at a risk of sounding like Shikamaru, it's a drag."

At that their bowls were put down in front of them they broke apart their chopsticks and began eating. After they had both ate their fifth bowl they were both happily full they paid the ticket and left leaving a tip. They walked up to the gate to find Kakashi talking to Jiraiya.

"Hey it's about time you two showed up," Jiraiya said as Kakashi turned to look at the two who were approaching.

"Good morning Naruto who is that with you?" Kakashi asked looking at Sakura closely.

"It's just Sakura Kakashi sensei," Naruto said.

"Are you doing the sexy jutsu Sakura?"

"Something like that I guess only not by choice and it's for a mission could you just asked Tsunade sensei she knows all about this and she knows more about this jutsu than I do."

'**Please I really don't want to have to explain this again.'**

Kakashi shrugged and nodded to Jiraiya and left walking back toward the training grounds pulling his book from his back pocket.

"Okay you two I want to get to the land of tea before night fall so we can get good rooms the first couple of days I will work with you one on one then I will let you work together."

"What do you mean one on one purvey sage?" Naruto asked looking at the old lecher with suspicion.

"I want to see where your talents are before I set you off on your own. I don't want to have to keep track of both of you so I will take you out one at a time, so I can see how you do and help you out if you run in to trouble."

"So why am I going first?" Sakura asked.

"Because you need more guidance than just how to get ladies to notice you we will be working on the things you need to know."

"Okay," Sakura said happy that her part in this trip may be to her benefit and not her detriment.

"Let's go already!" Naruto yelled already a mile down the road.

Sakura and Jiraiya walked at an even pace letting Naruto stay ahead of them.

"So what kind of problems have you come across so far?" Jiraiya asked looking over at her.

"Well most of it's well personal."

"Don't worry about that just tell me and I will see what you need to help with the problem. I mean its not like we haven't all been there."

"Well I guess the first thing would be I make a mess every time I go it's gotten a bit better since I started holding it but I still piss all over the toilet."

"That's an easy one what you can do is put something safe to flush in the bowl and aim at it that should help you with that issue," he said taking the problem seriously.

"The next problem I have been having is I can't get it to stay in one place and it's always just every where."

"Well that's one I have never had to deal with the only thing I can think to tell you is find the most comfortable way to tuck it and keep it there until you get use to it. It isn't an exact science that's why most men will reach down and adjust themselves from time to time.

Sakura nodded "Is it normal to wake up and be… well be stuck to your self?" Sakura asked blushing.

"Yes it's normal and you can't really control it."

Sakura sighed in relief when he didn't laugh at her. "How about unwanted attention I get a lot of girls who won't stop starring at me and I got groped I don't know how many times since this happened."

"Well that I can't help you with. We should all be so lucky, I always had the opposite problem getting women to pay attention to me but if you tell anyone about that I will tell the world how you got stuck to yourself."

Sakura nodded and swallowed hard. "How about how not to cut myself shaving."

"Well all I have for that one is practice and going really slow around the areas that you find tricky, and if all else fails get it done at the barber shop. Any else you want to ask about?"

"Not really." She said glad he was being cool about this, but she still couldn't bear to bring up the subject of masturbation or Ino with him. So they just walked on stopping once for lunch at a small eatery. It was sunset as they reached the gates of the city. As they walked through them they were met by gorgeous girls putting teacups in their hands and kissing their cheeks though the one Sakura got kissed her lips.

"Welcome to the land of tea," she said in a sultry whisper pressing a piece of paper in Sakura's hand.


	6. on mission part 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a few of the laughs but I can't even take full credit for those. Shrugs the only thing I guess I can take credit for is the way my twisted mind has put all of these wonderful things together.

Warning: May contain some offensive things please be aware.

Note: I hope you get your laughs from this chapter sorry it took so long but I wanted to get to the other characters. So please take the time after the read to review you can flame of shine me on I am cool either way and I will try to answer any questions you may have. I am also receptive to any ideas any one may wish to toss my way if I can find a way to fit it while going with my vision I will.

Inner SakuraThe boys are back in town

"This is such a drag." Shikamaru said looking at the rather large compound being guarded by scared up battle seasoned gangster types, but that wasn't what had him bothered. The thing that had him bothered was the fact that they were all ninja and it had just made it much more difficult to get in with out loosing one of his teammates.

"I could take one of them over and have them do it," Ino said looking at Shikamaru who was sitting in his thinking stance.

"Won't work we want him alive and they would likely kill who ever you took."

"We could always just flatten them I mean it's not like we haven't taken on worse," Chouji munching down another rice ball. "These are good Ino thank your mom for me."

"Hey I made those thank you very much," she said her face red with the effort it took not to punch him.

"Well they are good, so thanks," he said as he continued to munch down on another one.

"Will you two just stop this for a second, I am trying to think here."

The two got quiet and started to look out at the road only to see a small band of performers working on setting up camp for the night.

"How lucky could we get," Shikamaru said watching the small group set up camp.

They jumped down from where they were hiding in the trees about fifty yards away and approached the group only to be stopped by a little old lady with a crystal ball in her right hand and a polishing cloth in her left.

"What took you young ones so long you are late. Here put these on before they get here now and all will turn out well." The old woman said pulling clothing from her pack handing a set to each of them.

"I knew you were good Shikamaru but I had no idea you were this good." Chouji said with Ino looking on in wonder then distaste as she got a look at what she was expected to put on.

It was light blue silk that was so thin you could see through it and the top that left very little to the imagination the same silk only more coverage dew only to the embroidery.

'I have underwear that covers me better than this will.' Ino thought to her self as she looked at the out fit.

"Do you have any where we can change," Ino asked.

"No time for that little one. What are you worried over neither of these boys will be the father of your children." The old woman said looking at Ino pointedly.

"WHAT!" Two of the three exclaimed. Shikamaru just gave a shrug and started pulling off his clothes as the other two muttered to themselves.

"You know I don't know why you are so worried about us seeing you it's not like we didn't see you after the chunin exams when we stole that bottle of booze from your dad." Shikamaru said looking over at the other two who have yet to get started changing.

"Well I've hit puberty since then you ass and if you two don't turn around I will make sure you live to regret it." Ino stated in cold tone, which made them both snap their backs to her with shiver in their spines.

Soon the three were dressed in out fits given to them with their own clothes and gear in their packs they walked toward the main camp only to hear the panic as the gang sacked it.

"Well it seems trouble is always punctual," the old woman muttered as one of the gang picked Ino up and tossed her over his shoulder. Ino was quickly placed before the person they were trying to capture.

"What fresh piece of heaven do we have here," said their leader who looked like a mistake of nature done on the human form. His teeth looked as if they would be more at home in a mules mouth and his lank blond hair looked like a badly thatched roof but those were some of the nicer aspects of his appearance. All and all the man was hideous if a man was what you would call him he looked more like a mutated pig.

"You told me to bring you the best looking girl they had and well she fit the bill lord Wannabe," the goon said without looking at him.

"Good she's perfect she will give me many fine and handsome sons and beautiful daughters." Wannabe said licking his lips looking her over with lust in his eyes.

Ino shuddered, 'I hope she didn't mean that this thing would father my future offspring.' She thought to herself in disgust.

"Gather them all up I am sure they will put on a good show tonight for us if they wish to go home alive." Wannabe said giving his best impression of a pleasant smile.

Shikamaru and Chouji were loaded into the wagons with the rest of the performers. They found themselves seated next to the old lady.

"So what now," Chouji asked as he watched as Ino was tossed over Wannabe's shoulder.

"Well the only way this can work to our advantage is if we drug their food and water."

"Well I don't know how much help it will be but I may have some things in my medicine kit that will help you boys." The old woman said handing them a wooden box.

Shikamaru opened the box amazed to find just what he needed it was a home remedy for arthritis in very small doses it would help with pain and help a person sleep but in a doses bigger than a very small pinch it could knock out an elephant with ease.

"Perfect with this we can knock them all out with booze easy. Do you have a way to spread word around to the others with out the guards hearing that anyone who gets near the wine or food without a guard around should come see me?"

"Sure but I don't think we will have to go that far seeing that I am quite certain that they will likely use all the women here for that it takes a lot of hands to make food for that many people." She said in the same knowing way she said everything.

"Ok this is what I have we spike all the wine with this and the ones who don't drink will either be the ones who are ordered to watch us or the smart kind. Now the ones watching Chouji and me can take out. It's the smart ones that has me worried they tend to watch out for everything so we need to keep an eye out for those types. We will just have to take those as we get to them and hope that there are not many. Now the one who really has me worried is Wannabe he is a heavy guy so we will need to be sure he gets a lot of wine and hit his tea just to be on the safe side. 'If we don't Ino will kill us all,' Shikamaru thought to himself. This stuff is fairly slow acting when it is put into food or drink so that will keep them from figuring this out to quick.

Shikamaru started separating the powder into small pouches and the old woman started giving them out to the women while explaining the plan quietly. By time they got to camp all was said and done and the plan was ready to be put into action. Now all they had to do was get word to Ino.

* * *

"Alright now that it is just me and you lets start the lesson," Jiraiya said distractedly, looking around the busy square they were standing in.

He looked at Sakura and pulled her to a somewhat secluded corner.

"Ok kid I am going to have to ask you some personal questions. Before I start this isn't to get my own jollies I need to know what to teach you. So here we go as a girl did you ever masturbate?"

"Is this information truly that important?" Sakura asked looking at the white hair man turning from pink to a violent red.

"It is if you want to make it through this whole becoming a father deal with out so much trauma and hurt feelings. How do you intend to get a girl pregnant? Look I am only trying to help."

"How is knowing if I touched myself when I was a girl going to help?"

"The truth of the matter your chances of getting the job done quickly are slim. They told me your count was very low so it's going to be difficult to start and it will help you chances if you know how to pleasure a woman. The chances of conception are better if both parties go home happy as they say."

"Oh," Sakura said with her eyes wide and her face getting close to purple. "Well um no not really I mean I know where things are down there but I never really thought about it." Sakura said looking down at the ground.

"Hey its nothing to be ashamed of I mean I get it you do a lot of work at the hospital and with the medical corps right." Sakura nodded her head still not looking up. "I would assume you don't have much time for yourself meaning what time you do have is used to eat something quick and sleep before the old hag is yelling at you again. So am I close?"

"I have a bit more free time than that."

"How much of it is spent on missions with your teammates?"

"I um well I guess most of it." She said looking back down at the ground.

"Hey don't worry about it that just means I have more to teach. First things first have you ever kissed or been kissed I don't mean like being kissed by your parents or family or something like that."

"Yes I kissed Sasuke but it was one sided and weird and there was the girl at the gate when we got here and that was um different."

"Ok so at least you have kissed someone now for a tricky one what do you know about sex."

"Sex is the act of reproducing and in some cases um a form of recreation……"

"Stop please just stop right there you sound like your reading from a text book. Now what I want to know is what do you know about the act as in do you know how to have sex."

"Everyone know how to do it I mean my mom told me about it and everything. I know a mood has to be set for it to be well good and there is touching, kissing and then there is oral sex which is has little to do with making babies. It's not like I didn't look some things up on sex there is just a lot to it and I was just starting with the facts."

"Ok so you know the basics so our first subject I will teach is you can't be shy around the ladies." 'Hopefully by time we are done tonight you will at least kiss a few girls tonight.' Jiraiya thought the last part to himself giving Sakura another look over. 'This shouldn't be to hard the kid is good looking.'

"What do you mean by shy why would I be shy around girls."

"The same reason you would be shy around a boy you liked when you were a girl," Jiraiya said then sighed. "You want to find a girl who likes you right and I don't mean as a friend I mean the kind of like that leads to you ending this mission."

"So what you are saying is I need a girl to fall in love with me?"

"Love? No not unless you are really lucky with what we are dealing with the best you can hope for is lust with a side of understanding. But this isn't getting this done so what I need you to do is every time a girl comes up to you be receptive if they kiss you kiss them back no running away and be nice to them."

"What about the siren jutsu it's not right to get a girl to like me because of that I mean what if she has someone?"

"Then cancel it out before anything happens." 'Now where do we start? A strip club or tea house my be a bit much to start with.' He thought to himself as he looked at the buildings in the square. His eyes lit on a small ice cream bar there was a cute girl working it she looked about eighteen. She had light brown hair and blue eyes, she looked friendly and as she smiled at the couple she had just served with longing single as well.

"I have just the thing to start your training," he said leading Sakura over to the ice cream bar. "Hey there could I trouble you for blue berry ice pop and a Sunday for my friend here. What would you like on that Sunday Sakura?"

"Caramel sauce and whipped cream." Sakura said looking up at the options.

"Sure thing a blue berry ice pop and a caramel Sunday coming right up." She said smiling at Sakura and when Sakura smiled back at her she blushed.

She soon had there order done and handed Jiraiya his ice pop and placed the Sunday in front of Sakura and was about to put down the spoon when Jiraiya waved her off.

"Ok lesson one foreplay eat the Sunday without biting it and making as small of a mess as you can. Oh and you can't use your hands, and please try to finish it before it melts."

Sakura shrugged she didn't really trust Jiraiya but he did give her some sound advice and it's not like what he asked her to do would hurt her or anyone else. She leaned over the dish of ice cream and started to lap at the cream topping with her tongue she started to notice the ice cream was melting quick thanks to the warm caramel sauce so she bent her head lower taking gulps of it with her lips. She continued to lap it up with her tongue but she also used her lips to suck it up until she had licked the dish clean. As soon as she lapped up the last trace of caramel she raised her head to find a large cluster of girls looking at her like she was some kind of candy. She looked around beginning to feel trapped she didn't see Jiraiya anywhere. She turned to the girl who served them the ice cream.

"Did you see where my friend went Miss."

"He kind of got pushed out of the way when everyone else showed up. You got some on your face here let me help you with that." She said pulling out a wet wipe and started cleaning off her nose and chin.

No sooner she was done busing her face that was all she wrote for the group of girls waiting. She was pounced by at least ten girls ranging from sixteen to forty. She started feeling lips and hand all over her.

**'I don't care what that idiot said if you don't get out of this and start running I am taking over. IIIIIIEEEEE! Hands. Hands in wrong places.'**

Sakura jumped from the massive female pile up and started running for the hotel they were staying in. she didn't stop running until she was in her room with the door closed and her back against it. She was breathing heavy and jumped when someone knocked on the door.

"Hey it's just me and Naruto are you ok…"

**'No I am not fucking ok I am freaked the fuck out and I look like a blot tissue from a lipstick counter.'**

"I am fine just a little freaked out that's all," Sakura diplomatically replied in squeak.

"Can we come in?" Naruto asked sounding worried for his teammate.

**'Make sure it's just Naruto and the great white pervert.'**

"It's just you two right?" Sakura asked clearly still freaked.

"Don't worry Sakura it's just us out here," Naruto said from the other side of the door.

Sakura cracked the door peeking out leery of what may be on the other side she then pulled them both in slamming the door behind her and securing all the locks. Naruto looked over at her she was missing her shirt belt and her pants had been torn in places, he bare chest was covered in lipstick marks along with her cheeks and lips. Naruto looked at her in awe.

"You know Sakura at this rate if we open a kissing booth we could live like lords for a long time." Jiraiya said trying to lighting things up a bit. Naruto just nodded in agreement.

"No that would be taking advantage of the women under the siren jutsu," Sakura said walking over to the wash basin to look in the mirror only to jump again. "I need a bath," she said grabbing her bath stuff and a change of clothes.

**'There is no way I am going to be running around in a towel or a robe after that.'**

"We will go with you to make sure you don't get swarmed again." Jiraiya said in a soothing tone.

"Yea the pervert is right we'll be there for you lets go."

"I asked you repeatedly not to call me that why can't you just call me Jiraiya or sensei that is what I am to you after all I am one of the highest ranking ninja around."

Naruto just ran to the room him and Jiraiya shared and grabbed his bath stuff and started walking toward the bath with Sakura. Soon they were in front of the baths changing rooms Sakura walked toward the female side only to be stopped by Jiraiya.

"Your going in the wrong side there your one of us so you go to the male side now. Not that the women would complain but do you really want a repeat of what happened earlier?"

**'Oh hell no let hang with the guys safer that way.'**

"Nope," Sakura said shaking her head no violently.

She followed them into the changing room that wasn't very different from the women's side though she would be willing to bet that the stack of clean towels was a bit taller and there wasn't wet or dirty towels littering the floor. She suddenly froze realizing she would be undressing in front of two guys that were known for being perverts.

'**What the hell are you waiting for it's not like they have anything to look at now breast gone bye bye and now you have what they have so they have nothing to perv on.'**

Sakura gave her inner self a nod and started removing her socks and ruined pants and underwear, which had at least two cards in them not counting the one that, was stuck to her ass. She peeled it of with a sigh and turned only to see Naruto looking at her his eyes were as large as dinner plates and it looked like he was about to cry.

"What's wrong are you ok?" Sakura asked watching as he got Jiraiya's attention.

Jiraiya turned around and looked at Sakura expecting to see something wrong. He looked down a figured out what Naruto was going on about Sakura was blessed with at least ten inches where Naruto was cursed with four.

"Naruto it is impolite to stare like that and you don't want us thinking your gay right."

"I am not gay but why is Sakura's so big and well I'm so well not"

"I don't know that one so I guess we should just say its genetics."

"What the hell I have seen plenty in the hospital and mine isn't the biggest by a long shot," Sakura said wrapping a towel around her neck and going to the showers.

"Just remember Naruto its not the size that matters its where you get to put it." Jiraiya said looking at a very depressed Naruto.

* * *

"What the hell are you doing here if they find you in here all hell is going to break lose," Ino said helping Shikamaru up from a hole in the floor.

"They wouldn't even know I was here if you would just shut up and listen to what I have to say." Shikamaru said looking at her making sure there would be no more out burst before he told her the plan see no indication that she had anything else to say he got started.

"Did they bring wine in here yet."

"Yea here," Ino said passing him the wineskin.

Shikamaru took the cap off and put some powder in it. "This should knock him out but until it does we will need you to distract him anyway you can so we can take out the guards and anyone who was smart enough not to have wine with dinner." He said giving the skin a shake.

Ino nodded in determination though she was in dread thinking what it would take to distract that thing. She shuddered taking the wine back from Shikamaru who noticed his teammates discomfort.

"You will do fine Ino we will get here as fast as we can. Here take this," he said handing her a few food pills.

"What am I going to do with these?"

"Well if he wants you to drink with him these should burn off the effects of the sleeping drugs we put in the wine but we put extra in his so just try to avoid it if you can."

"You guys better get in here quick because if he ends up being the father of my children you and Chouji won't be having children."

"This is such a drag," he muttered to himself as he climbed back in the hole using his shadow seal it behind him.

"Ino wanted to cry as she looked around the room it was decked out like a honeymoon suit in a cheap hotel. The walls were painted a soft shade of pink she knew so well dew to one person she could never see enough of. The bed was round with red sheets and animal print down comforter. The carpet was thick and felt soft on her bare feet though the room brought to mind the set of a porn rather than love. She shuddered at the thought of what was to come as she came up with an idea of how to distract him without having to drink and maintaining her no mans land clause.


	7. on mission part two

* * *

Disclaimer: I still own nothing

Note: I am sorry for the long time updating life keeps getting in the way but the holidays are here for the most part and I plan to update all my stories while life is kept at the door on hold. So thank you for waiting and I hope this chapter will be worth the wait if not feel free to flame the hell out of me. I likely have it coming.

* * *

Ino's head snapped up at the sound of the door being opened and Wannabe slipping into the room. She fought all her impulses not to cry or shudder when her reached out and cupped her face.

Putting on the fake smile she often uses for the more clueless customers who buy a fern for their true loves instead of the flowers she knows they want. She delicately removes his hand from her face and leads him to the bed and pushes him to sit.

"You have had a long day so how about a drink while I entertain you."

"How would you entertain me in a way I don't already have planed?"

"Watch," she said then put her finger to her lips then his for quiet.

She started gyrating her hips the rest of her body soon followed in a dance that could only be seen as sex in carnet. She soon pumped up the energy of the dance until she looked as if she was in the throws of passion. She grabbed the wineskin from the table she had placed it on dancing the entire time. Soon she was straddling him pushing him to the flat of his back. She stood over him and placed her dainty foot on his chin causing his jaw to drop as her body continued to trust, gyrate and simply drip sex.

"I will be your cup tonight," she said in a fake lust husky and breathless tone that had Wannabe nodding his head yes his mouth still open and her foot still on his chin.

She pulled the cap from the skin and pretended to take a long pull from it she then started pouring it down her thigh letting it run down her leg and to the foot on his chin. She arched her foot to let the wine trickle into his mouth.

Soon she had over half the skin down him and he was signaling for her to stop.

'I hope that was enough to knock him out,' Ino thought as she stopped pouring.

Wannabe licking and kissing the wine from her foot and leg. Ino unable to resist shuddered in disgust at this action. Wannabe thinking she shuddered with passion continued what he was doing. He was happy that he had finely found a woman he didn't have to chase all over the room kicking and screaming. This girl seemed to want him and more than that wanted to please him, so he would take this night as slow as she wanted to go.

To end the sick feel of his tongue and lips on her leg she lightly pushed him back on his back with her foot and motioned for him to turn over.

* * *

Sakura sighed as she entered the bath finely cleansed of lipstick and the feel of invisible hands on her body. Naruto took notice that Sakura got to the showers before them but got out a good twenty minuets after them with welts where she had scrubbed herself raw.

"What took you so long?"

**'Damn lipstick more like a brand if you ask me.'**

"Have you any idea how hard it is to get lipstick off you?"

"No."

"Well some of the color stay lipsticks or some that are sold by big name companies make it very hard to remove. So next time Sakura try using baby oil and if that just helps it smear instead of wiping away alcohol will do it for the most part I find one of those two things do the trick." Jiraiya said looking at them both.

"I am ready to get out," Naruto said slipping out of the bath.

"Well I guess I am ready to I just want to get back to my room and forget this day ever happened."

"Oh come now Sakura-Chan or should I call you Kun now." Jiraiya said then shook his head to get back to what he was saying. "Any day good or bad is an experience that makes you who you will become."

**'And how am I better off not forgetting it.' Inner Sakura said getting brain soap ready.**

"Why does that matter I think I am better off without this day happening."

"All I am saying is you will become a happier person if you take the good with the bad."

"What ever old man lets get out of here I want to get to bed early I get to train tomorrow." Naruto said walking over to the exit.

Sakura lifted herself from the bath and wrapped a towel around her waist and followed him to the lockers to get dressed. Jiraiya watched them go with a smirk. 'They both have a lot to learn,' he thought to himself as he lifted himself from the bath.

Soon Sakura and Naruto heard women screaming and Jiraiya's voice trying to explain how he didn't mean to take down the screen between the two baths and how it was just a freak accident.

"Should we save them from him or him from them?"

"I think we should let him get himself out of it like he always says getting out of trouble is half the fun." Naruto responded with a shrug.

**'And to think she wants us to learn to be a man using an over grown Naruto as an example.'**

They walked back to their rooms quietly with Sakura looking over her shoulder in a paranoid attempt to be sure there was no mob of women about to attack. They were almost to Sakura's door when Naruto started to fidget.

"Umm Sakura-Chan if you have any questions as to how some things work you can ask me and I won't be bothered by it."

'Wow that took balls.'

"That's very nice of you Naruto, but I think for the most part I got the umm hang of things."

"That's cool but if anything comes up I am here for you teammate."

'Maybe this won't be so bad being around these goofs'

"Thanks Naruto that means a lot," Sakura said then pulled the blond goof ball into a hug.

Naruto went stiff at first then he began to struggle to get out of the hug.

"Ok one thing you really need to know is guys don't hug other guys and if they do it is a very light hug with no body contact and only long enough to pat the others back three times."

"Why?"

"I don't know it's just weird and it's a guy thing. Here let me show you how to hug another guy if it ever comes up."

He reached out to her and took her hand as if he was going to shake it then pulled her in close but not to close. Their arms where a buffer to keep their bodies from touching. He reached out with his free arm and gave her back three hardy pats the pulled away quickly.

"Like that only you pat me on the back at the same time and we both step away. Do you got it?"

"Yea I think I do."

**'So guys have their things to.'**

* * *

Ino was beginning to have a hard time keeping Wannabe's hands to himself. She had already undressed him down to his underwear, which looked as if they had never known what being clean was. She was repulsed by him and every thing about him she really hoped the drugs kicked in quickly before she had more to worry about than his hands trying to go places that in any normal situation she would have already relived him of the offensive appendages.

His hand reached up and started tugging on her barely there silk top which wasn't that durable to start with. She gasped as she watched it tear completely and fall to the floor leaving her breast bare for the world to see. Her face began to turn pink then violent red when she noticed Wannabe looking at her chest in a way that always made her sick when she seen other guys do it. Before she could say anything or knock him out his eyes began to roll back in his head and he passed out his face landing in between her breast. Before she could push him off of her the door slammed open with Shikamaru and Chouji charging into the room to save the day only to stop in their tracks when they seen the position she was in.

"It's about time you two got here, and next time more drugs he just passed out as you two came in. Now Shika give me your shirt."

Shikamaru put his weapons away and pulled off his shirt and tossed it to her then turning his back while pulling Chouji to do the same.

"Thank you Shika," Ino said pushing Wannabe away from her and pulling on the sweaty shirt. "So what is left to do?"

"Nothing the place is ours the men who didn't drink are dead and the ones who did are still passed out and they will wake up to the surprise of being locked up the local law is here to process Wannabe and his little gang.

"So this mission is over then?"

"Yes and no we sort of got volunteered to escort the entertainers to the land of tea."

"Well that won't be so bad we can take a nice rest there before we go back."

"That's what I was thinking when I offered our services to them."

"What else are we getting for our trouble."

"Well not much only free tickets to the show and half off all the goods they show case."

"Works for me," Ino said thinking of the old lady's comment about the father of her children. "Lets go I need to get some real clothes and a deep vvvvveeeerrrrrrryyyyy deep scrub down."

"I will go get our mission pack with our clothes," Chouji said breaking his silence then running out the door.

"The wash room is down the hall it will be the second door on the left hand side. Try not to take to long we have to leave soon."

"Fine, Ino grunted pulling the knots tighter then stepped back and looked at her handy work. She was happy to note he was trusted up much like the pig he is. She tied a low power paper bomb to his ropes if he moved or even took a breath wrong it would blow but not with enough power to kill him but with more than enough to make him wish it did dew to where she had placed it. (I will let you guess where she put it your hint sorry guys try not to cringe this guy has it coming.)

She walked from the room and quickly to the wash room to scrub herself raw. Once she was gone Shikamaru looked at her handy work and shook his head, he would have felt sorry for the guy if it wasn't for the fact that he over heard his men talking about what a waste it was sending something so good looking to be killed. They then talked about how many they had found after ward in bits, and how hard it was to get all the blood off the walls. 'Ino just doesn't know how lucky she was she would have been number fifty-seven in a line of dead women. It was a good thing she was so good at what she did. Though I do feel sorry for the guy who ends up with her when he gets on her bad side.

* * *

Sakura went to sleep that night hoping they would leave the land of tea soon and go back home so she could just finish this mission. She didn't even care if the mother of her child would like her anymore as long as she got to be part of the child's life. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

She dreamed about the leaf village and how it would be a few years after this mission. The streets were clean and all the buildings were freshly panted and well kept, the rebuilt walls were better fortified and built to last forever. She soon found herself walking toward the training forest, but soon found herself being knocked over by two small blondes of about five years old.

"Papa! Papa! Mommy is taking us to get ice cream," the little boy said.

"Come with us," cried the little girl.

"Only if it's ok with your mommy."

"You better be going with us you can't expect me keep track of both these green eyed pygmies when they are on a sugar high."

Sakura looked up to see Ino smirking down at her. "They are half yours after all."

Sakura looked from the children then back at Ino then back again then back to Ino once more beginning to feel panicked.

Sakura woke with a start and breathing heavy.

**'And that is what you get for thinking about her while flogging your short leg.'**

Sakura smacked her self in the head to get her inner self to shut up even though she was right. She walked over to her room's wash area and poured the chilled water into the basin and began cleaning the sleep from her eyes she then dried her face with the small hand towel. She looked out the window to see the sun barely peeking over the rise of the land. She suddenly had the need to pee badly. She walked out of her room and almost went to the women's restroom but stopped herself at the last minuet turning into the men's room only to find Naruto standing at the urinal flipping himself out and beginning to pee. She walked over unzipped and started to go.

"Sleep well?"

Naruto yawned. "Sakura rule number two for being a guy never talk at the urinal while your washing your hands is fine but if you talk at the urinal you will get labeled if not punched."

Sakura shrugged and went about focusing on peeing. Naruto finished up washed his hands and walked out. Sakura finished up and found him waiting for her out side the restroom.

"I slept ok the pervy sage snores like a buzz saw though. How about you?"

"I slept ok I had a weird dream though. Are you going to the dinning room?"

"Yep the pervy sage is taking me out to train to day so I am going to eat while I can." Naruto said taking note she changed the subject quickly, and started walking toward the dinning room respecting her wish not to talk about the dream.

When they got to the dining room the both attacked the buffet filling their plates with eggs ham bacon toast and pancakes. They took their place at an empty table and soon the only sound were those of eating. When the got back from their third trip to the buffet Jiraiya was sitting at the table with a plate of ham and eggs waiting for them.

"So what are we going to do today pervy sage."

Jiraiya rolled his eyes at being called pervy. "I was thinking me and you would go check out some of the more notable tea houses around and maybe one of the girls there can teach you some manners."

"But I thought we came here so I could learn a new jutsu."

"Most of the training you need Naruto has very little to do with fighting."

"If I am not going to training to use a new jutsu what am I training for?"

"Lets just say we are going to do a little research," Jiraiya said with a sigh. 'This could be more difficult than I thought it would be.'

After the last of the food was off their plates Jiraiya and Naruto left to do their coughs research. This left Sakura at lose ends and then a thought hit her this was the biggest city in the land of fire they likely had amazing medical supply stores. With that thought in mind she went back to her room and got her wallet. She then walked down to the lobby only to realize she had no idea where to start looking for medical supply stores. She turned to the lady at the front, desk she was the same one who had checked them in yesterday.

**'That's good you already fixed that one not to attack us.'**

"Do you know where I can find the medical supply stores?"

"Well I think they sell things like that just past the market place."

"Thank you," Sakura said as she left.

She checked out some of the stalls as she was walking through the market seeing the how the food venders were never to far from a drink vendor. What she didn't notice was the rather large group of women beginning to follow her. By time she got to the end of the market place where the stalls ended and the specialty shops began, she started feeling like she was being watched. She ducked into one of the shops to see if she could figure out who was following her. She soon noticed the small army of women pushing at each other to get in to the shop. Sakura began to panic.

**'Run run now I am not taking the risk of a repeat of last night times one hundred.'**

Sakura bolted around the shop looking for the back exit there wasn't one, but there was a restroom with a window that lead to the next street. She tore away the thick canvas used to block the view of the outside. She opened it and climbed out. The moment her feet hit the street she started running. She made an ark around the market and was coming up on the city gates. She looked behind her and seen about twenty women in hot pursuit she made the hand sign Naruto was most know for and made two shadow clones who ran in opposite directions splitting the women into three groups leaving about five still on her tail. She was getting ready to use a substitution jutsu when an arm came out of nowhere.

* * *

The whole trip to the land of tea went by with no event Shikamaru and Chouji were quiet and she took point walking half a mile ahead of the group. She didn't talk to anyone, not even the old lady. When the trip was at an end and they were less than thirty feet from the gate she seen a man running away from a large group of women. And then she seen it the man was making the shadow clone hand sign, and as the two shadow clones broke up the group leaving only five chasing him he started a new hand sign. This reminded her of the last time Naruto was running from Tsunade after calling her grandma. She smiled to herself and used the same method she used to stop Naruto. Right before he could pass her she stuck out her arm and clothes lined him. He hit so hard he flipped and landed face first in the road.

* * *

Sakura rolled over and looked up to see Ino smirking at her in the same way she was in the dream, only the dream wasn't nearly as painful.

"What the hell Ino pig!"

"What the hell did you just call me?" Ino asked her face going from smirk to snarl.

"Why did you clothes line me Ino?" Sakura asked then looked back only to find the five women had already cut the distance she put between them in half. "Never mind no time for that got to keep moving, Sakura said running off the road and up the nearest tree.

Once she managed to get up the tree she did a substitution jutsu and sent it walking right to the ladies. She watched as her substitution walked right up to the ladies, then passed them only for them to start following it. The only woman that didn't follow the substitution was Ino who had made her way over to the tree she was hiding in.

"So are you going to tell me how I know you?"

"It's me Ino, Sakura."

"Last time I checked you were a girl."

"Well it's a long story that I would be to happy to tell you later right now I need to find a way to get back to my room with out attracting another mob."

"What did you do to be chased like that?"

**'We really don't have time for this kind of thing and what if they followed her.'**

"I didn't do anything," Sakura said stressing the I.

"Why don't you come down?"

"Because I am not sure they are far enough away yet."

"I can't even see them anymore."

"Are you alone down there?"

"Yes it's just me but if you stay up there much longer Shikamaru, Chouji, and the others will catch up to me."

Sakura jumped from the tree and landed right in front of Ino taking the sight of her in. She was just as good looking as she was the last time she had seen her.

"You look good as a guy, but I do like you better as a girl."

"Thanks I gues…," Sakura said getting cut off by Ino's lips.

She put her hands in the release hand sign. "Release," she said releasing Ino from the siren jutsu.

"What the hell was that forehead?"

"Please just help me get to my room and I will answer all you questions."

"Fine but you so owe me one for this, and for the kiss."

**'I think life just got more complicated.'**

* * *

Thank you all for waiting for the update I will be trying to get to all of my fictions. I was told recently that I should look in to getting a beta reader so if anyone is interested please give me a shout. Please read, review, and enjoy.


	8. a good idea

Disclaimer: I own nothing and if someone tell you I do hit them with a stick for me.

Warning: May contain subject matter not suitable for younger readers.

Note: Hello it's me again hope you like the update read review and thanks for waiting.

* * *

"Come on the coast is clear," Ino said pulling Sakura out of the shadows by her arm. "I can't believe you are such a chicken."

"Yea and you have never been swarmed by an army of women who want nothing more than to make you a sex toy."

**'You know when you say it out loud like that it seems like such a lame complaint.'**

'Lipstick remember the lipstick!' she thought to herself.

"You know if that is your biggest problem you have a long way to go before you are in trouble."

"So what you are saying is that you don't think this is a big deal."

"I have to deal with this all the time it's mostly guys but if anything it just makes my job easier."

"So you wouldn't mind to much if I was to do this," Sakura said doing the hand symbol for the most complex siren jutsu she knew and attached it to Ino.

"What the hell did you just do forehead?"

"Just giving you a taste of what a problem this kind of unwanted attention is." Sakura said grabbing Ino's hand and making a mad dash to the center of town.

About half way there Ino dug her heels into street and pulled them to a halt.

**'She is going to get us killed.'**

Sakura looked up and around them seeing the better part of the town following them, and gulped.

"Stop, I have been on mission for a month now and I came here to get a break, I didn't get all the way here just to run around like I was still working."

"I wouldn't stop if I were you," Sakura said motioning toward the town following them.

**'To late we're surrounded,' inner said huddling into a ball bracing for impact.**

Ino looked over her shoulder in the direction Sakura motioned toward and her eyes widened.

"Hi is there anything we can help you with," Ino asked the crowd coming toward them.

**'Run run now.'**

'But she is going to get lynched.'

**'That was the whole idea.'**

"Ino run now," Sakura said pushing her chakra control to the bottoms of her feet running for the nearest building. She looked back only long enough to see Ino get pulled into a kiss by a guy who was wearing a shirt a size to small and a pair of pants that had to be two sizes to small. His all together look screamed tinker bell. Sakura turned away as they started to swarm her.

**'Come on you should be watching this I can't even get this kind of action on cable.' Inner said munching popcorn. 'Oh there went her shirt.'**

At that comment Sakura couldn't help but to look down at the carnage below only to see Ino flying at the wall her arms folded across her **chest in **an attempt to hide her breast.

"Forehead if you don't give me your shirt and put a stop to this now I will make your life a living hell and the start of it will be castration."

"Not fun huh," Sakura said laughing, but stopped as a blade was buried into the wall a millimeter from her new bits. She stripped off her shirt and tossed it to Ino who pulled it on, then glared at her.

"Well," Ino said motioning toward the mob.

"Just release the jutsu I put on you it's that simple."

Ino made the hand sign and released the jutsu and waited for the crowd to dissipate but was disturbed by the fact that only part of the crowd left.

"I don't think it worked," Ino said looking at Sakura with worry.

"Oh it worked what you see there is what I have to worry about."

"Then why don't you just release the jutsu like I did?"

**'As if I could Ino pig.'**

"Because it's attached to my chakra network along with what ever else Tsunade put on me to make me like." Sakura said motioning to her muscular broad flat chest.

"I see so I am safe down there but you are kind of stuck here right?"

"Yea that's the short of it."

"Good then I will meet you at the hotel then," Ino said jumping from the wall and making her way down the street giggling.

'That bitch!'

**'Your surprised?'**

Sakura climbed the rest of the wall and climbed onto the roof. She then made the hand sign for multi shadow clone jutsu and sent her clones to release and draw the crowd away. She then started free running across the rooftops until she reached the window of her room.

She crawled through not stopping walking right over to her closet and pulling out a fresh shirt and putting it on. She then left her room and went to the hotel's dinning area and got some lunch. She watched Ino from the dinning area's bay windows and smirked as watched one of her clones running from a little old lady trying to release her from the jutsu.

**'You know you are going to need a food pill after those clones are done with all that dirty work.'**

'I think I will just take a long nap and hope it's time to go home when I wake up.'

Sakura placed her order with the waiter then went back to watching Ino from the window. Soon Shikamaru and Chouji joined her in front of the hotel.

**'Come on lets mess with her a little more.'**

'Lets not and say we did.'

**'It will give you an excuse to grope her.'**

Sakura motioned to the waiter that she would be right back and went out front and slipped behind Ino wrapping her arms around her waist and putting her chin on Ino's shoulder.

"Hey sweetheart I have been waiting in the dinning area for you. Who are your friends."

"Hey Shikamaru do you think this is who that old bat was talking about?"

"I think the bat is off her rocker, given the look on Ino's face right now."

Chouji looked up and flinched Ino's fist was clenched so tightly her knuckles were white and she was glaring so hard a vein was bulging in her forehead. It was the if you don't run I will make you sing in a higher key face. Right, as Shikamaru was about to warn him, the idiot found out the error of his way on his own.

Ino reached up while backing up closer to Sakura and using leverage pulled the invader of her personal space over her head in a flip.

"Never touch me again without my permission," Ino said looking down at Sakura before she turned away and stalked off into the hotel.

**'Shit what the hell is her deal.'**

"What's her deal?" Sakura asked looking up at the blonde's teammates**.**

"Well she has never really liked strange people touching her."

"I really don't think that the real problem Chouji." Shikamaru said then looked down at Sakura. "So Ino knows you but I don't but you do look familiar."

"It's me Shikamaru Sakura."

"Well that wouldn't explain why she got so pissed," Chouji said pulling out a bag of chips. "I thought you two made up a long time ago."

"We did," Sakura said getting up and dusting herself off.

"So when did you start being a guy?" Shikamaru asked changing the subject he knew exactly what was wrong with Ino. 'Why do women and emotions have to be so troubling it's bad enough that she almost got raped by that large bit of rot but now this' he thought sighing.

"I am about to go finish my lunch if you two want you can join me."

"Where's your teammates?"

"Sai is still in the village and Naruto well he is likely with Jiraiya going from tea house to tea house having the time of his life."

"So you're not on mission then?" Chouji asked looking up from his bag of chips.

"Well yes and no I guess I am on mission and they are trying to help me with it but I can't say it is going well."

"What's the mission I can't speak for all of us but if visiting a tea house is a part of the mission then I wouldn't mind helping." Shikamaru said looking at her with his eyebrow raised.

"Well my mission is to father a child," Sakura said turning her back and heading toward the dining room.

"Well if you want to play daddy there are plenty of orphans in the village," Chouji said not seeing a problem.

"She has to knock a girl up Chouji," Shikamaru said shaking his head in a way that said in it's self this is troublesome.

"Oh. Huh that's funny," Chouji said laughing. "You know you should go see that old lady we came in with. If nothing else she should be able to tell you something about the girl you need to meet."

"Stop inviting trouble Chouji I am sure uh yea Sakura can figure it out without an old fortune teller spouting bull."

"Say what you want Shika but I think there maybe something to her."

"Where can I find her anything will help."

**'We need more than help but I will take what I can get.'**

"Here," Chouji said pulling out a flyer with the troops show times and locations.

**'Isn't this just peachy help and a show,' inner said with a raised eyebrow.**

'Well it could always be worse,' Sakura said with a shrug

**'Would it kill you to agree with me I mean I am you,' inner said face palming.**

'Yes you are me the pent-up aggressive not thinking things through overly emotional side of me'

**'You forgot I am also your sense of self preservation and I am the one who gets us through the tough times. Come on who got your pansy ass over Sasuke.'**

'Fine I am not going into this with you right now'

"Hey earth to Sakura I think you should get back to the dining room if you don't want to die." Shikamaru said motioning toward the bay window.

Sakura looked up and flinched at the death glare she was on the receiving end of.

**'So she took giving her time to cool off as making her wait. You are so boned.'**

'No inner we are boned,' Sakura thought and with an internal sigh walked back into the hotel.

"So are we going in? Sakura did say she would treat us."

"You couldn't get me to go in there even if you paid me for an A-rank mission and fed me the entire menu." Shikamaru said walking away from the not so free lunch at a quicker pace than he normally would.


	9. Frustrated incorporated

Disclaimer: yada yada I own nothing. Some one else owns every thing. I am not even sure if I own my own soul at this point. (Looks around nervously not seeing any reps or lawyers from Disney) I have a few I O Us out there. (Gulps) not saying anything bad about Disney so please don't sue.

Note for the lynch mob: I am so sorry for the late update. Life is getting more than a little big for me at the moment. (Peeks out the curtains wipes sweat from forehead and sighs no mobsters out there only a few gang members.) Thanks for all the great reviews and adding me and what not you guys are great.

Warning of possible content: short skirts, nose bleeds, bad language, nudity, girls involved with girls even if they happen to be boys at the moment, blue balls, possible graphic violence, and likely a whole slew of other things I haven't thought to mention yet because I am a desensitized little deviant. So read at your own risk.

Frustrated incorporated

* * *

Sakura walked into the hotel restaurant like a person about to face a death sentence.

"**You are so on your own for this one," Inner said jumping down into a bomb shelter locking it tight.**

Isn't that just great I can't even rely on my self, Sakura thought kicking her self.

Once out of her self-bashing she walked over to Ino all set to beg to be forgiven. Ino looked up to see a very male Sakura fidgeting much like a small child who had just got caught doing something naughty and was now waiting for the hammer to drop

"Look Ino I am sorry about what happened out there but it was harmless. I really didn't mean anything by it, I just wanted to see how Chouji and Shikamaru would react." Sakura said looking at Ino.

'Why is it even as a guy she is so damn cute I just want to…' Ino stopped the thought before it could be finished seeing as Sakura was looking at her with big eyes.

"First you didn't release the jutsu from me before I kissed you then sick a crowd of lust crazed people on me then you basically grope me in front of my team. All of this after a mission that still has me cringing." Ino bit out in a low voice trying to keep attention off of them.

'**I don't think this is really about us I wonder what is really bothering her.'**

'It doesn't matter any more now she is just ragging on me and I really don't want to take her shit so but out.'

"First off I didn't know you would be affected by it. You sure as hell weren't feeling any affects when you cloths lined my ass when I was trying to run away. Then you made light of why I was running so I was showing you exactly what I was going through. Finely I didn't grope you and you never had a problem with paling around like that before. Now I am sorry you had a bad mission I didn't know about it and I wasn't the one you had problems with." Sakura all snapped back at her.

'**Are you suicidal or just stupid?'**

'Not in the mood me.'

"Now you can accept that I did apologize yet I still haven't heard anything nice from you for leaving me hanging and we can have a nice lunch." Sakura said starting to lose her snapping tone. "Or we can go back to the way things were before we started being friends again and stay out of each other's way." She finished as if she didn't want to say it.

Ino sat shocked at what Sakura had just said. 'She would give up on being friends over this. Well I haven't really been being that much of a friend today have I?'

"I may have over reacted a bit but I am not sorry for leaving you shirtless on the wall. Though I shouldn't have brought it up seeing as I already made you pay for it," Ino said quietly.

"I'm sure there is an apology in that some where so what do you say we just start this day over huh." Sakura said with a lopsided grin that seemed to make her even more attractive as a man.

"So Sakura how have you been you sure changed since I last seen you." Ino said with a bright smile.

"Well it's a long story, what do you say to getting some lunch while we talk about that and what you have been up to lately." Sakura said going along with what Ino was doing happily.

"Sounds great do you know what's good here." Ino said happy that Sakura seemed to have let go of their fight.

"Well they do have this really cool chocolate coconut dumpling that is out of this world and they have a few good stir fries and the stuffed rolls are good. You should also try the western food," Sakura said as they continued to chat happily.

* * *

On the other side of town, in the fifth teahouse of the day.

"Hello ladies!" Jiraiya said walking in with Naruto lagging behind him thankful that for the time being his money frog was safe.

"Come on Naruto we shouldn't leave these lovely ladies waiting."

"I know purvey sage but this is the fifth tea house we have been in to today and we got kicked out of the others shouldn't we try some clubs instead."

"Naruto it's still to early to go to the clubs I mean come on kid it's just now lunch time so why don't we just go in get some tea and lunch with these ladies and see what happens."

Naruto shrugs and follows him in.

* * *

Mean while in the leaf village….

"Lady Tsunade we just got a report from team ten." Shizune said looking up from the report to find the Hokage missing from her office.

"Damn it where has she ran off to this time." She all but yelled vein popping up on her forehead. She stormed from the office to check with Konoka then to check all the usual places.

* * *

Back to Chouji and Shikamaru…..

"So what do you think is wrong with Ino lately?" Chouji asked looking over at Shikamaru over a large plate of BBQ.

"I think the missions we have been getting are starting to get to her."

"We have been going on missions most of our lives man and she hasn't been like this before." He said between bites.

"Think about it Chouji our missions have been changing we have been having to send her in more."

"Well she didn't act like this after our last mission." He said shoving a whole rib into his mouth.

"On our last mission she didn't lose most of her cloths to a pig man after a crazy old lady told her she would be having children not a child Chouji but children."

"I don't get it I remember her saying she wanted kids some day when we were younger." He said as he pulled more meat off the grill.

"I know but wouldn't you be a bit shaken up if you were told you were going to have kids and then almost get raped by a pig man."

"Ok I get it," he said motioning for the server to bring another plate of meat. "What I still don't get is Sakura as a guy and what kind of mission is getting a girl knocked up it happens all the time."

"Well a guy who use to be a girl doesn't happen every day and they could just be wanting to make sure the pluming work. If it does it could very well help in a lot of things."

"Like what?" Chouji asked laying the fresh meat on the grill.

"Well for starters in just about every hidden village the women out number the men five to one and ten to one during times of war. So if women were able to breed children together both sons and daughters the population of future ninja would be higher. Then there is also the keeping the family name, which is usually placed on the shoulders of a son, but what if the family has no sons only daughters. Like I was saying it can help with a lot of areas both privet and political

Sorry this chapter is so short but I am now writing one to back it up so read review I do try to answer all reviews so if you have any comments or questions I will try to answer them all.


	10. blue flowers and wow

Hello it's me again I find the more I write this story the more complicated it gets. I am just saying is if you find I am leaving something out of the plot that you think should be there review tell me about it. I am all about making this story better and it won't be good if I have gaps all in my plot. Now that is out of the way….

Disclaimer: I own nothing never did wish I could and quite likely never will. I may also use some things out side of the universe that holds Naruto. I only do this to fit in the other anime that I will be using for parts two and three.

Warning: Some of the stories content has come from a massively damaged and disturbed mind. Please do not read if you have any of the following conditions. Monk like Ocd because this story gets messy and a place for everything ha ha ha let it fall where it lands. Heart problems that are excitable I don't want to kill any one. Small bladder and no plastic protection for furniture or floors, you might make a mess laughing. While reading please keep away from these activities. Eating drinking and anything else that may cause self induced injury dew to laughing.

That said in the words of Nagi on with the show!

* * *

"SHIZUNE!" Tsunade yelled loudly running up from the labs with her notes crumpled in her hand. "Shizune!" she yelled again only to have the woman in question in front of her scowling darkly.

"I have been trying to find you for hours and…." Shizune started.

"No time for that send a team out to bring Sakura back and make sure the team is an all male team." She said looking at Shizune with an expression that bordered on panicked. "Tell them if she has already had sex with a girl to bring her in as well and do it quickly."

Shizune left seeing that time was of the essence.

Tsunade went to the hospital's record room to look up notable births and found that Akimichi family may have the answers to her problems.

* * *

"So what do you want to do now," Ino asked as she waved the waiter over. "I need five more orders of the chocolate dumplings and a dinner basket for ten something that will keep well cold for a day." Ino said thinking, of having dinner with Shika and Chouji it was her turn to make sure they had extra.

'**Sleep like the dead until it's time to go home.'**

"Well after all the clones and running I had to do to get away from the mobs I need a nap." Sakura said as a face splitting yawn came on.

"Oh well I do need to get a room and get my gear put away," Ino said looking down at the table.

"I have an extra futon in my room, so why don't we room together like old times? I mean it will save you some money and this is one of the nicer hotels in town." Sakura said looking at Ino. "I am sure you very likely need a nap just as bad as I do."

"Would it be kind of weird with you being a guy now?"

"Only if you feel weird about it I always get changed in the restroom or the bath so that's not a problem for me."

'I am being stupid I mean this is Sakura forehead we have taken baths together since we were little.'

"Sure let's share the room. So what's it like being a guy?"

"Well it's been different I'm still a bit weirded out by it and with the all the attention I seem to draw it's just crazy. Well I at least got the peeing with out getting it everywhere thing down." She said the last part as an after thought.

"You know I'm still in the dark about how you ended up like that."

"Well the hokage got a mission from the lord of the land of fire whose daughter happens to be in love with a woman. So Tsunade came up with the idea to get the lord his heir she would just turn his daughter or her love into a man. So she did this to me, telling me it was because I had perfect chakra control and I needed to learn to walk a mile in a guys shoes. So there you go that's the way all of this happened." She said with a shrug.

"Why would she work so hard on a mission that is just saving the face of some one who never helps out anyway." 'This is so stupid,' Ino thought.

"Well it does get worse I have to test every aspect of this jutsu so my mission is to see if I can get a girl well I have to knock a girl up."

"Oh!" Ino said in surprise.

"By doing this though the village will be out of debt and have a surplus again. So my child will save the village just by being born and I always wanted kid granted I wanted to be a bit further up in the hospital before I had a kid. You know so I would be able to spend more time with it but I guess my plans can change a little. I can spend less time on missions and go full time at the hospital that way I can be home at night to tuck my kid in." Sakura rambled with a goofy smile on her face as she pictured what her kid would be like.

"So your fine with being a parent at eighteen?" Ino asked looking the potential doting father.

"I wasn't at first because like I said I wasn't planing on having a kid until about another ten years down the road. But if it will end the death missions and save the village from becoming a place a child born there is lucky if they live to become eighteen. If all I have to give up is time and money to raise my kid to do it then yes I am fine with it. I guess the only problem I have with all of this is the fact that well I don't have a clue as to who is going to be the mother. Will she let me stick around after this is over and I am my self again? Will she stick around after the kid is born and help me raise it? Will she even like me or will I even like her?"

Ino was at a loss for what to say other than, "Wow."

"I know."

* * *

Back to Naruto…

'I thought we were here so I could get girls to talk to me,' Naruto thought as he watched the women in the tea house flock to Jiraiya.

* * *

Back at the village…..

"Long story short the jutsu I used causes a reaction in live sperm cells speeding up the growth and maturity of the child. The first problem I face is making sure that mother and child both survive. The second problem I face is finding a way to slow down the growth rate of the child so it can grow up normally and happily. I have noticed your family has always produced children who are up to three months early but still come out even larger than most children who are carried to term."

"We are big people naturally lady Tsunade but all the women who have a child from our clan are given special food pills to help with giving both the mother and child enough of what they need to make it through."

"May I see a list of the ingredients used to make these special food pills."

"It's one of my clans secrets Lady Tsunade and would take something very important to make me give that to anyone."

"Does insuring the future of the village count as very important if I can get this to work the village will be back in surplus instead of debt and we stand a chance of producing more future ninja. If that isn't enough it will end at least three feuds over family name and heirs and it will put the lord of the land of fire in our debt." Tsunade said looking Chouji's father in the eye.

"That is more than enough," he said handing over a book with instructions on how to make food pills for the women of the family.

"That is from the start of it and all through the generations where we have improved on it little by little."

"I promise you I will be the only one to see it and I will make them myself. The only thing I may have someone else do is fetch ingredients. Thank you for this, I hate to take family secrets and run but it looks like I have a long night ahead of me tonight."

* * *

"Well this is it. So um which one do you want the one on the left or the one on the right?" Sakura asked putting Ino's bags by the closet.

"The one on the right I guess." Ino said as she started putting her stuff away.

"You go ahead and get settled I am going to get some sleep."

Ino nodded as she put her stuff away. 'You know forehead if it wasn't for the fact that I still have to do missions I would be the mother for you.' She thought as she watched Sakura pull her shirt over her head.

Sakura crawled under the cover of the futon and was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

Ino finished putting her stuff away and looked over her work. 'Seeing my clothes next to hers like that just looks right.' She thought as she remembered all the times she had this feeling. It was always when she shared a room with the other girl.

She was startled as Sakura started mumbling in her sleep. She turned to watch her noticing how much she looked like a little kid when she slept. She watched, as a loving smile touched the sleeping girl's lips.

"Ino," Sakura mumbled longingly in her sleep startling the girl sitting next to her futon watching her sleep.

'Even as a guy she pushes all the right buttons,' Ino thought as a blush lit her cheeks. She took her pants off and took her hair down. 'Might as well get some sleep while I can, being around you is going to take a lot of energy this time.' She thought slipping under the futon covers. She got settled and slowly fell asleep wondering what Sakura's kid would look like, she hoped the poor thing wouldn't get the forehead.

All the sudden there was a loud banging on the door. Sakura sprang up from the futon with a kunai in hand.

"Who is it?" Sakura asked who ever was on the other side of the door, as Ino put her pants back on.

"Tsunade sent us to bring you back to the village," replied the rabbit masked Anbu on the other side of the door.

"My team mates are retrieving Naruto and Master Jiraiya as we speak."

Sakura looked over at Ino seeing she was dressed before opening the door. The Anbu stepped into the room and seen the rumpled state of Ino's clothing and Sakura's lack of shirt. He pulled his wrist walky up.

"Find Shikamaru and Chouji from team ten we are bringing them in as well." He said into the mike. "Please get packed while I pack up the rest of your team." He said as he went to leave the room.

"Wait what is this all about?" Sakura asked the tight-lipped Anbu.

"Our mission is to bring you and who ever is with you back to Lady Tsunade for debriefing that is all I know." He answered leaving the room to pack up the others.

"So I got sucked into this because I was in the same room?" Ino asked in frustration.

"I really don't know what all this is about, but out of every thing that has happened other than waking up as a guy and getting chased by girls this is one of the craziest things to happen this week."

* * *

Not very long after…..

What the hell is going on Sakura, I thought we were going to be there a few days?" Naruto asked as he adjusted Jiraiya's weight on the side he was supporting.

"I don't know all I do know is that Tsunade sent them to bring us in." She replied supporting the other side of a very drunk Jiraiya.

"Will you two stop, we don't need to attract anymore unwanted attention." Ino said remembering how they got mobbed again as they left town.

"Will be able to stop for food." Chouji asked looking down into his last bag of chips.

"Not until night fall we were told to bring you back as quickly."

"No worries I have some to go boxes from lunch in my pack and some left over rice balls the old lady gave us for breakfast," Ino said. 'I knew it would come in handy she thought.'

'God I just want to sleep,' Sakura thought as she rummaged in her belt for a food pill. She found a packet full of them. She dug out two and passed the rest around giving one to Naruto. Even if he did have enough energy to power the village after all the clones he did, then running out of town carrying Jiraiya it couldn't hurt to help him out.

* * *

"Ok you interns who ever brings me back ten of these flowers roots and all will have a weekend off." Shizune said as she passed a picture of a blue and white flower around. "Well get going the quicker you come back with those flowers the quicker you can leave for your weekend off."

All the interns but one made a mad dash into the woods behind the hospital.

"Where are you going Sakuazaki," Shizune asked looking at a pale boyish looking girl whom had her black hair up in a sideways ponytail.

"I am going to get you the flowers that you asked for, they sell them at the flower shop that's next to the herbalist shop."

"Well ok carry on," she said her eyes wide after it dawned on her that it was the flower shop ran by the Yamanaka's whose close relationship with Akimichi family went back to the heads of each family. 'It would only make since that they would keep what the Akimichi's needed in stalk,' she thought as it all made since. 'But why would the Sakuazaki family know they kept those flowers in stalk?'

* * *

Well I hope you guys and girls liked this chapter so review and tell me what you think so I can get to working out the problem spots.


	11. racked and time off

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a sick and twisted mind that I use to make all other minds out there just a little more interesting. Please don't sue I still have my soul on loan. (I still haven't called my mommy this month, she may repossess it.)

Warning: Please do not read this story if you are easily offended by ramped mutterings of a perverted and insane mind. This chapter does have some dark stuff in it so read with care.

Note: Well not much to other than have fun reading and review even if you don't feel the same way about me the next morning.

* * *

Home again home again

'**So sleepy,' inner Sakura said curling up into a ball snoring.**

'Oh no you don't if I have to deal we both do,' Sakura said slapping her with herself with her free hand to stay awake.

"Are you okay Sakura?" Naruto asked looking over at her taking note of the red hand print on her cheek.

"I am fine but I made a lot of clones today while I was running away from all the women."

"Why didn't you just stay in your room?"

'**Because she is a dumb ass.'**

"Because I thought it would be fine if I was just going shopping. When I went shopping for new clothes in the leaf village they were looking at me like I was food sure but the were not chasing me down trying to tear off my cloths." Sakura explained, ignoring her inner self.

"You think the siren may be getting stronger?"

"Not really, now that I think about it the women and men in the village have been around your sexy jutsu a lot so they may have built up a tolerance for it."

"Humm I never thought of it like that before," Naruto said.

"You know Naruto she may have a point, I have noticed that your jutsu doesn't have the same zing as it use to for me. Maybe you should go brunette." Jiraiya said as sober as you please but still leaning on them.

'**We carried his ass all this way and he was faking it the whole time, drop him.' **

Sakura and Naruto dropped him almost at the same time letting him land hard on the ground before walking off both pissed about how much energy they wasted on him.

Sakura ran to catch up with Ino, who was running next to Shikamaru with Chouji between them but a few paces behind.

"Hey Ino I am really sorry about getting your team caught up in this," Sakura said hoping the blonde wasn't angry.

"It's not your fault forehead. I just wish I knew what the hell is going on."

"I wish I could tell you, but from the way they are acting Lady Tsunade has found a problem with the jutsu and has to fix it before I attempt getting well finding a girl to father a child with." Sakura said looking at Ino while doing her best impersonation of a tomato.

"What makes you say that?"

"Because they are acting like the hospital's HAZMAT team. I have never been on this end of it before, but the way it works is to get to the problem or infected area as quickly as possible and neutralize it and anything it may have contaminated." Sakura said beginning to ramble.

'Even after all the trouble, she is still cute when she rambles on like that.' Ino thought before she shook her head to clear it.

"So what you are saying is that your mission is aborted because of some kind of hazard."

"It could be that but with Lady Tsunade who knows she may have won at some random slot game and decided not to take any chances." Sakura said with a shrug before smiling at Ino sleepily. "Thinking of all it could be though is the only thing keeping me awake." Sakura said running both hands through her sleep-mussed hair before slapping both of her cheeks and giving her head a shake.

* * *

"I thought you would like to know that they just made it to the gate and they have squad ten with them." Shizune said looking over at the busty blonde with a smirk. "So what made you think to recheck the samples?"

"I won a game of ski ball that I had money riding on," Tsunade dead paned as she continued to make food pills.

"How much did you make on it?"

"Enough to rebuild the school and half of the out door market."

"So who was the bet with?"

"Umm Yamato," Tsunade said trying to lie.

Shizune gave her a look that said, if she didn't confess her home life could become quite hellish.

"Fine it was with Yamato and Ebisu," she said in frustration as she continued to measure and mix food pills.

"You know squad ten has a young woman in it."

"Yes I do know….. What the hell is squad ten doing with them?"

"I don't know I was just interested in why they might be."

"Well as long as we got her back here in time to save her life that is all that matters. It's not like they would be a bad match the only problem I see with it is we will lose one of our best undercover ninja."

"It's not like the last few missions she was sent on were light. She had to spend a month in therapy before she would go on the mission we just sent her on."

"I know now this."

* * *

As they ran toward the village Sakura's eyes began to drift close, and every time she let them close she got flashes of dream Ino wearing nothing but a smile. Sakura soon found as impossible as it was to sleep while running it was also unwise to try to, as she stumbled right into Ino knocking them both over. Sakura woke to a knee to the crotch and blinding pain that started in her groin and felt like her internal organs have been jarred all the way up to her eyeballs.

'**Argggggge I think I am going to lose last nights dinner,' inner said as she huddled into a ball.**

Sakura could not even make a comment back to herself dew to fact it hurt so bad she couldn't even form a thought.

"What the hell forehead?" Ino asked picking herself up and dusting off.

When she didn't get an answer she looked down to see Sakura curled into a ball holding her crotch moaning in pain.

"Oh my god Sakura I'm so sorry," Ino exclaimed rushing to examine her.

"Hey if your able take deep breaths do it, it will keep you from puking." Shikamaru said squatting down beside Ino who was doing her best to make sure Sakura was okay.

The rest of the group was still lagging behind cringing in sympathy remembering the first time that particular blow brought them low. Jiraiya being the first to shake the sympathy pain walked over to Sakura and helped her stand back up and dust off.

"I think your going to be fine, but I am sure Tsunade is going to want to take a look when we get in."

'**Why does it still hurt this much?' inner asked still huddled in a ball on the ground.**

'I don't know but I really need to apologize to Naruto, Sai and every guy I have ever kicked there.' Sakura thought to herself as she picked up enough courage to start walking.

Ino was still trying to say sorry as they continued to the village.

"It wasn't your fault I fell asleep back there I knocked us both down it was my fault I am the one who should be sorry." Sakura said her voice still a bit higher than normal.

'How can a person fall asleep when they are running. It must be all the hours she works at the hospital I have seen some of those med. ninja sleep standing up before.' Ino thought to herself as she watched Sakura limp away.

Ino stopped talking and just gave a nod before falling instep with her and Shikamaru.

* * *

They were met at the village gates by Tsunade and Shizune both of whom looked to be full of questions.

"Okay I need you and you to come with me to the hospital," Tsunade said pointing at Ino and Sakura.

"I understand you needing forehead but why me?" Ino asked.

"We need to do some test on both of you and I need to make sure you get the food pill you need just incase of the complications if it isn't to late," Tsunade replied

'**I knew it once she did this to us we would become her new lab rat,' inner said.**

'It's just because she found something wrong with the jutsu she may even turn me back. But why does she need to test Ino she doesn't have anything to do with the jutsu?' Sakura thought to herself as Tsunade answered Ino's question.

'Why do I need to be tested and why does she want to feed me food pills,' Ino thought.

"Why do I need to be tested and why would I need food pills yes I just got back from a mission but wouldn't some down time and a nap be better?" Ino asked starting to get sick of them messing with her me time.

"Well didn't you two have sex," Tsunade asked pulling no punches while Shizune face palmed.

Both Shikamaru and Chouji fell to the ground laughing so hard as both Sakura and Ino flushed and screamed….

"WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX!"

"What made you think that?" Sakura asked them her face a violent shade of the red family.

'**Well it's not like you haven't been giving it a lot of thought lately.'**

'That's not the point.'

'**Well tell me when you have a point.'**

"That is what was in the report they sent us before bringing you in," Shizune said looking pointedly at the ambu team.

"We didn't do anything like that I was only sharing my room to save her some hassle and money. We were sleeping on two different futons when they woke us up to drag us back here." Sakura said looking them like they were insane.

"I see," Tsunade said glaring at the team of ambu. "You three get out of my sight, I will debrief you tonight."

"Are we free to go now," Shikamaru asked.

"Yes we will debrief you in the morning," Shizune said letting team ten get some much needed R&R.

"Ino I would still like to speak to you after you have gotten some rest." Tsunade said with a thoughtful look.

"Sure thing Lady Tsunade," Ino replied like it was the last thing on earth she would like to do.

"You I still need to test and get fresh samples from," Tsunade said looking at Sakura pointedly.

'**We are not going to live through this mission,' inner said falling over her soul trying to escape through her mouth.**

"Can we do it later I am still a little sore from earlier and I am dead on my feet." Sakura said giving her show some pity and just shoot me look.

"Sore why are you sore," Tsunade asked.

"She got racked by Ino about three miles ago," Naruto all but yelled.

"Humm all the more reason to get the sample now to make sure you are okay and there is no internal bleeding. I do want to examine you first to check for bruising and swelling." Tsunade said mostly to herself.

'Fine but if I die have fun finding a new lab rat to work with,' Sakura thought as inner was marching with a picket sign that demanded better treatment of lab animals.

"Fine but after this I want some time to recuperate after this."

"A day off sure," Tsunade said still deep in thought.

"Lets just get to the hospital," Shizune said dragging Sakura and Tsunade behind her.

"Do you ever get the feeling that others are ignoring your existence Naruto?" Jiraiya asked only to find empty space where the blonde knucklehead should be.

With a sigh he walked to the bathhouse where he knew they would notice him around.

* * *

"Well your going to be fine no swelling or any thing else wrong. Now all I need is a seamen sample and you are free to go home and rest." Tsunade said passing Sakura a sample cup with a lid.

Sakura took the cup and went to the door that said restroom on the door she looked at the sign and yawned.

'**Why do they call it a restroom, we never actually rest in here,' inner said scratching her head.**

'You know I don't know I never really thought about that. Maybe it's because almost all restrooms have a place for you to sit.' Sakura thought as she walked in the door and locked it.

'**Well at least this time around we know what we need to be thinking about to make this quick. So come on make with the sexy Ino thoughts so we can go home and go to bed.'**

'Bed sounds good,' Sakura thought.

'**No no no we can't go to bed yet we still have to get the sample for that evil harpy so start making with those other happy thoughts damn it.'**

Sakura started seeing images of the times she seen Ino in the dressing rooms and in the bathhouse. Soon her pants were feeling a bit tighter. She looked at the lotion pump beside the soap dispenser. Going for it she pumped a good sized blob in her hand and applied it to her hands as she thought of the time she and Ino had to share the last shower because the bath house was packed, she then untied her pants. She pulled her pants and shorts down far enough for her manhood to spring free. She looked down surprised to find herself almost fully erect; she began stroking herself as she remembered the dream Naruto woke her from the day they left for the land of tea.

She closed her eyes running her hand up and down the length being careful not to get lotion on the tip. She relaxed and let her mind wander to Ino. All the sudden it was no longer her hand stroking the length it was Ino's hand just as it was her lips on Sakura's neck and her tongue on the pulse point beneath those lips. Her hand wrapped around the straining appendage hammering up and down squeezing gently in milking motions as her lips moved up taking Sakura's lips. Sakura's hips bucked up like they had a mind of their own as Ino's hand picked up the pace. Sakura groaned into the kiss as she felt herself getting closer to the edge. Ino broke the kiss breathing harshly as she moved to Sakura's ear.

"Cum for me Saku baby," she all but moaned in Sakura's ear.

She moaned Ino's name as she began spill herself into the cup in harsh spurts that came with every orgasmic spasm.

Sakura put the lid on the cup and opened her eyes expecting to see Ino in front of her, but only found an empty restroom. She set the cup down on the back of the toilet and pulled her shorts and pants back up. After tying her pants she walked over to the sink and splashed her face with cold water before running her wet fingers through her already wild hair. Giving her cheeks a firm slap she grabbed the cup and took it to Tsunade.

* * *

Tsunade was in her office when Sakura all but fell through the door. Just like last time her hair was sticking up on one side and she had the same sleepy but goofy look plastered to her face as she put the sample on the desk.

"Do good," Sakura asked grinning stupidly.

"More than adequate," Tsunade said looking at the full cup who's lid was haphazardly put on. She pulled out a pair of gloves to fix the lid as Sakura fell to the floor dead asleep. Tsunade fixed the lid on the cup and handed it over to Shizune. "I need you take this down and get started, I am going to get this mess off the floor and home in bed where she belongs."

"Sure thing," Shizune said already walking out of the office with sample in hand.

Tsunade got up and walked up to Sakura and using her insane strength she lifted the girl turned boy and tossed him over her shoulder.

* * *

"Hey your dad said I may find you here," Shikamaru said walking up to bar where Ino was emptying a second bottle.

"I don't want to talk right now Shika, I just want to drink enough to sleep really good tomorrow." She replied tapping the bar for the bartender's attention.

"Who said I wanted to talk?" Shikamaru said taking the seat net to her at the bar motioning for a round of the same.

"Then why did you come find me?"

"I was going to offer to treat you to a post mission meal or drink," Shikamaru shrugged. "Seeing as we are already here why don't I just treat you to this round and I know you don't want to talk but if you change your mind I plan to be here for awhile."

As the night wore on with Ino going through bottles faster and faster and by midnight it started.

"Shika, why do things like this always happen to me?"

"Things like what?"

"All these missions where my best asset is my body and looks. If it was just that it wouldn't be so bad but the missions are never ending."

"What are you talking about we only had two missions this month and one of those were just me and Chouji?" Shikamaru asked looking at Ino wishing like hell she wasn't about to tell him that what he had been suspecting was true.

Ino laughed bitterly, "I had one mission with you and Chouji, but I have been in the capital trying to get myself pulled together for the past month. The month before that I went on six missions the last one was really bad I had to call in ambu. I am fucking burning out and at this rate I will be lucky if my next mission doesn't involve me getting raped again."

"You were raped?" Shikamaru said for once not kicked back and relaxed.

Shikamaru's mind was reeling he was asking questions but answering them just as quick, he knew that teams were rare on missions these days. Ino's specialty of getting to places and information that no one else could it's self was reason enough to over load her with missions.

"I was going to tell you and Chouji about the missions but I already talked about it so much with the doctors that I just as soon never speak about my missions again."

"I am so sorry Ino if I would have known…"

"There was nothing you could have done you know how it works our families have specialties and members of squad ten know there's. My missions have come straight from Lady Tsunade and all of them saved the village one way or another."

"Want to train with me and Chouji this week?" Shikamaru asked trying to lighten the mood with a change of subject.

"I may have another mission tomorrow if she doesn't send some one to fetch me sooner."

"Already."

"It's nothing new."

* * *

And there you have it for now I will try to update by happy chocolate day. Read review, tell what you think I know this chapter most likely isn't one of my best but it moves the story along.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer I still own nothing but a warped mind. Though I am beginning to believe that I have my mother to thank for that.

Warning read with care may cause nosebleeds in under aged audiences.

Note thanks for sticking with me on this story I hope you like this next installment. Happy birthday to my biggest fan my mom who loves this story so much she gets me for my slow updates.

* * *

"Why are you looking so down? It's not the end of the world at least with what we found out we will see results a lot sooner than we thought." Shizune said as she walked into Tsunade's office to see her looking very put off by something.

"I have an idea but I'm not sure I can make it happen without more trouble." Tsunade said as Shizune moved behind her chair and started massaging her shoulders.

"What's your idea? I mean as long as it doesn't involve gambling it can't be that bad." Shizune said feeling the muscles under her hands began to loosen.

"I have two problems right now to deal with. The first one Sakura we don't have time to do this the right way and ensure she get what she wants out of it. The second problem is Ino I really do understand what she is going though and it wouldn't be all that hard to give her what she wants. We just don't have enough ninja who specialize like she does." Tsunade said then moaned as Shizune dug the heels of her hands into an obstinate knot.

"You still haven't told me the plan."

"It's simple really I want to put all my problems in one basket and let them fix each other."

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"I mean to have Ino be the mother of Sakura's child. In return I will make her a promise of never having to go on another mission."

"That fixes the Sakura problem that is if you can get her to go for Ino. The only problem you have left is filling the whole Ino will leave."

"What better way to fill the whole than to have her teach others."

"So you are already set to do this then?"

"I just hope I don't regret it."

* * *

Ino woke to the sun glaring through her window much like it was screaming to her hangover what a lovely day it wasn't. She groaned and rolled over pulling her blanket over her head to block out the overly cheerful light only to have a loud banging go off in her head. Cursing she found the source of the noise was her front door. She violently pulled it open fully intending a painful death for the person on the other side only to find Shizune at her door.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, another mission perhaps?"

"Yes and no. Tsunade wants to see you to go over a opportunity you may be interested in." Shizune said taking in the fact that the young woman was clearly worse for wear.

"Well why don't you come in I am going to need about an hour to leave the house." Ino said in a sarcastically polite tone.

"If you tell me where to find your coffee I will make some while you get ready."

"Everything needed to make coffee is on the counter by the sink," Ino called over her shoulder as she left to get ready for what seemed to already be a very long day.

* * *

Sakura stumbled sleepily into her kitchen and yawned as she started her coffee fix for the day.

'**Coffeeeeee,' inner Sakura moaned much like a zombie.**

'Working on it,' Sakura thought to her self as her bladder started making treats.

She made her way to the bathroom and took the problem in hand like an old pro.

'Good to know I am getting better at this,' Sakura thought as she gave her third leg a shake.

'**Coffeeeee,' inner inputted.**

Sakura walked back to the kitchen and poured half the pot into a super sized coffee mug that had a picture of a prescription pad with the words 'Refill until coherent' written on it. She tossed back the mug of scalding black sludge and stretched. She refilled the mug and turned off the coffeepot.

* * *

"So what your saying is if I have forehead's kid I will never have to go on another mission for the rest of my life?" Ino asked loving the idea.

"Yes but don't forget the part where you teach what you know," Tsunade said seeing the strained expression on Ino's face.

'This is just to good to be true, this has to be my lucky day,' Ino thought to herself.

"What does Sakura have to say about this?"

"I haven't told her about it yet."

'I knew it was to good to be true,' she thought almost in tears.

"Then why would you give me this offer if there is a chance she won't be interested in me having her kid," she said flushing in anger.

"Because I have no doubt in you talents."

'Ah yes my talent for getting myself fucked right, not that any of my bullshit will work on her,' she thought bitterly.

"That's right my talents. I grew up with her she knows all my tricks and if I am going to start a family with her it's going to be honestly."

"I see, so you are interested but you will not take this offer unless Sakura agrees as well," Tsunade said thoughtfully. "Fine lets go pay Sakura a visit."

* * *

Once she was showered and dressed Sakura grabbed her money pouch and was about to go grocery shopping when her door was almost knocked down dew to someone banging on it.

'**What the hell,' inner said.**

Sakura answered the door to find Naruto on the other side glaring at her.

"What's your problem?"

"I can't get ramen without you," Naruto said looking extremely pissed.

"What do you mean you can't get ramen without me you eat ramen with out me all the time."

'**Shouldn't it be a crime to be that stupid this early in the morning?'**

'It's almost noon dumb ass.'

"Ayame won't serve me without you there."

"Just tell her if she doesn't serve you I will never come back," Sakura said looking at Naruto as if even he could have thought of that one.

"Oh," he said thinking about what Sakura just suggested.

"Well I was about to go to the market then house hunting…." Sakura said trailing off as she seen Naruto had already left.

Sakura checked to make sure she had her house keys and money before she locked up only to feel a tap on her shoulder. She turned to find Tsunade, Shizune and Ino behind her.

'**Oh no no no, not her again we are suppose to be off today that means away from her,' inner said not the least bit happy seeing Tsunade after what they went through yesterday. **

"Before you ask you said it was my day off so no samples, no poking, no prodding and no missions. I have enough to deal with house hunting and getting everything ready to start a family.

'**And no groping, no feeling up, and tell pig no more racking.'**

"I think we should go in before we talk about this, after all we are developing an audience." Shizune said looking at the growing number of women hovering close to them.

'**In is good,' inner said getting a good look at the women looking at them with interest.**

"Sure why not," Sakura said sarcastically unlocking her door and letting them in. "I don't have much in the way of drinks or snacks to offer you, I was on my way to the market when you stopped me so there is coffee and water."

"I think we are all good forehead," Ino said looking at the other two who have had the displeasure of Sakura's coffee making skills inflicted on them before.

"How about we just get right to the point I want Ino to be a part of your mission, you know help you get what you need to finish it." Tsunade said sitting down on the sofa looking at Sakura with a lecherous grin.

'She makes it sound like I am going to be her pimp,' Ino thought with distaste.

'**What does she mean by part of the mission, does she mean for Ino to get you a date?'**

'I think she means something a bit different than that.'

"What do you mean you want her to be a part of the mission?" Sakura asked almost fearing the answer.

"What she means is she wants me to have your kid because it will work in both of our favor. It will work out for me because I will no longer be going on missions but I will be teaching a Chūnin level class at the school." Ino said laying her cards on the table first.

'**Hahaha! Dreams do come true! I can't believe she is cool with this,' inner said rolling in laughter.**

'Shut up anything that sounds to good to be true it usually is. There is no way she will be everything for me,' Sakura thought sadly.

'**Come on cheer up there is always a chance she will be.'**

"Okay so your cool with this," Sakura said taking in how calm Ino looked. "So what about what we talked about before are you ok with the fact that I won't be a guy forever and that I want to be a big part of my kids life and by doing this I will become a big part of your life though the kid."

"Yes Sakura I understand that and I can live with that and don't think I will just be having your kid and going on about my life. I have every intention of raising that kid. So what do you say do we do this or not?" Ino asked now determined to make this happen.

"Would you and our child live with me?" Sakura asked looking at Ino like she was just what she needed.

'She is just so cute, but this place is a hole in the wall,' Ino thought as she looked around the one room apartment that's only redeeming quality is that it is clean and well kept.

"As long as we are not living here sure," Ino said looking around the small apartment.

'**Well duh.'**

"I plan on buying a house before the kid gets here so it won't be so much of a nightmare. I mean I don't want to be still looking for a place while working and being woke up at odd hours every night for feedings." Sakura said rubbing the back of her head with a goofy grin on her face.

'**You are so going to be in charge of that one I just make funny faces and blow air bubbles on tummies.'**

'Way to have my back there me,' Sakura thought in irritation.

'If I get a place with Sakura what am I going to do with my places? I guess I could rent them out its not like I will need them,' Ino thought going over everything they needed to talk about before looking.

"I have the flower shop apartment and my house on the edge of town but both are only a little bit bigger than this place. I am sure I could rent them out to displaced families without any problems."

"Are you sure you want to do this Ino?" Sakura asked looking into Ino's eyes to see any reluctance on her part.

'How could I not be sure when she looks at me like that?'

"I want to do this it's the only way we will both get what we want," Ino said thinking back to what Sakura said back in the land of tea. "We can do this."

'**This couldn't be more perfect, you knocking up the girl you have been walking the dog to.'**

'Can we not think about that right now please,' Sakura thought.

"Okay now that we have that done we will just leave you two to work thing out amongst yourselves." Tsunade said on her way out the door smiling and mentally patting herself on the back.

Once Tsunade and Shizune left Ino and Sakura sat uncomfortably on the sofa looking at each other as if they were each waiting for the other to speak.

"Well…," Sakura started.

"You know….," Ino started at the same time.

"You first," they said at the same time.

Ino sighed and motioned for Sakura to speak to break the stalemate.

"Well I was about to go to the market to pick up some food and maybe a lead on an already built home… um I was wondering if you would like to go with me. We could get some lunch while we are out, my treat." Sakura said stumbling through what she wanted to say that sounded less bumpy in her head.

"Sure that sounds great, but I don't think we will find much in the way of houses right now. That is unless we go for something on the outskirts of the village and I think that would be a bad idea with you and me both working in the village."

"That right the rebuilding crap I can't believe I forgot about that." Sakura said smacking herself in the head.

"Well it's not so bad we could always buy one of the lots that opened up and build a house. I could talk to Chouji and Shika I am sure they will help."

'We will have to feed them but they will help out,' Ino thought.

"Well I could always ask Naruto and Sai for help, but you never know we may get lucky and find a good place without having to build."

**'That's right clap your hand you may be Tinkerbell's last hope,' inner said knowing the odds were slim to none.**

**

* * *

**

Well that's all for now I am sorry for the late update I have been fighting some wicked writer's block. I am also sorry if it is not as good I didn't do much other than use the spell check and give it a quick once over. As always read review I value your opinion.


	13. tea with mom

Disclaimer I still have no claim to any of this I am not even the first to have this idea. It just hasn't been done quite like this yet. Not making money yada yada yada people getting naked so on and so on you may not like this if you are a closed minded prude (nods to self 'I think that just about covers it'). Ah don't like or to young or bad where you are from don't read it. Just cover your eyes and pretend none of this exists. For heaven sakes take the blue pill.

* * *

**'Come on stop being so shy talk to her.'**

'I don't know what to talk about.'

**'How about you start by asking her what she want for lunch the sun is starting to drop again.'**

"So um where do you want to go for lunch?" Sakura asked feeling very uncomfortable with the awkward silence they had come to as they walked around town.

'Wow she hasn't been like this since we were little,' Ino thought as she remembered the shy little girl who always talked quietly and stumbled over her words.

"Why don't we see if there are any seats at the dumpling hut. I think today's lunch special is pork buns and apple dumplings."

**'That sounds awesome, I am starving,' inner said as Sakura's stomach started making sounds that would make a wild beast run away.**

"Sounds great," Sakura said a blush heating her face as Ino laughed at the joke her stomach just made.

They walked over to the dumpling hut and found seats, that being really easy seeing as they just missed the exit of the lunch rush.

"So what can I get for you kids today, we have pork buns and apple dumplings on special," asked a man around the age of Ino's dad.

"I'll have that and white tea," Ino said looking over at Sakura who was still looking the menu over.

"I'll have the pork buns and apple dumplings as well with a side of rice, two orders of crab and onion cream stuffed dumplings and white tea." Sakura said putting the menu to the side.

"I'll have that right out to you."

"You are hungry," Ino said smiling at Sakura knowing that she was very likely going to snag one of her crab dumplings.

"Well I haven't eaten anything since the last time we had lunch together." Sakura said looking over at Ino and smiled, "besides I know you love the crab and onion cream dumplings, so I made sure to get enough to share."

'I can't believe she remembers I love those,' Ino thought.

"I can't believe you remembered that, it was such a long time ago."

"Well you remember things about your friends, like what they like to drink and the fact that they love crab," Sakura said wanting to change the subject.

**'Why don't you ask her about, um I don't know. Give me a minute and I will get back to you with a subject change,' inner said putting on a thinking cap.**

'Great.'

"So what sized house do you have in mind?" Ino asked seeing how uncomfortable Sakura was with the subject they were on and changed it.

"Well I was thinking we will both want our own space from time to time and with me working at the hospital and you teaching we will want a office. There is just so much to think about."

"So we'll get a big house, but that would mean more cleaning," Ino said thoughtfully.

"True," Sakura said thinking about how messy kids could get. "Why don't we start with a small three bed room but with a big foundation so we can add on if we need or want to later?"

"That works for me, but that is only if we have to build. If we find something that will work and is about the right size we can do that."

"Sounds like a plan. Would you like to take a look around with me today, you know if you don't have anything better to do."

"Sure I would like that. There was something I was wanting to ask you though."

"Okay what do you want to know?" Sakura asked looking at the table shyly.

"Would you be okay with me telling Shika and Chouji about this? I mean they are my team mates and I really don't want them to be blind sided by all of this."

"Um sure you can tell who ever you want about this. We should talk to your parents about this too I mean they should know…."

**'We forgot to tell mom about being a boy much less any of this. I don't know about you but I like living.' Inner said about ready to piss herself.**

'Fuck shit piss damn it I am so dead they will have to bury me twice,' Sakura thought as she banged her head on the table repeatedly.

Ino watched as Sakura had a break down. "It's okay we don't have to tell them all at once we can give it a few days." Ino said taking her hand trying to sooth.

"I haven't seen my mom in two weeks, she doesn't even know I am a guy much less I am about to make her a grandmother. Shit shit shit I am going to be killed, she's going to kill me then put my soul back and kill me some more."

Ino looked at Sakura like she was crazy. She remembered Sakura's mom she was always the cool mom kicked back easy going, the kind of mom that would let you get away with murder as long as chores and homework were done.

"Sakura look at me and listen very carefully," Ino said cupping Sakura's face to get her to look up at her and to keep her from breaking the table. "It's going to be fine, she will likely be over the moon about getting a grandbaby I know my mom will be."

"You don't understand you never lived with her, she's going to kill me."

"Damn it forehead I know your not really one but be a man and deal. You are her only child she won't kill you hurt you a bit yes kill you no."

**'She does have a point,' inner said peeking out from under a bed.**

'So says my self preservation who happens to be hiding under a bed.'

"How about this I go with you to talk to her and if she starts hurting you to much I will jump in and save your ass?"

**'I am for that.'**

"Okay," Sakura said sounding as pathetic as a five-year-old caught stealing and was told he had to take the candy back and apologize to the owner.

'If she gets any more cute I'll jump her here.'

"We will go to your mom's place after lunch and tell her what has been going on and about the well baby plans." Ino said leaning over the table kissing Sakura's cheek. Ino started to giggle.

"What is it," Sakura asked?

"Well I never thought I would be telling you this but you need to shave, your whiskers tickle."

"Oh," Sakura said rubbing her cheek feeling the rough stubble.

The man chose that moment to appear with their lunch placing it on the table. Ino reached over and plucked one of the crab dumplings from Sakura's plate with a smirk.

* * *

"How do you think those two are doing?" Tsunade asked Shizune.

"My guess is that they are having lunch and getting comfortable around each other. What else would you expect to happen?"

"You're right, it just seems like the fix was to easy that's all."

"Don't be like that enjoy the good fortune with any luck they will be happy with each other. Shizune said then went back to slurping her ramen.

* * *

"So does your mom still live in the same place?"

"Yep she says it keeps her close to my dad."

They walked the rest of the way to the small house by the water tower in silence. Sakura walked up to the old hardwood door and knocked.

**'Wow that was weird,' inner said as a chill went up her spine.**

'It's because I have never had to knock on this door before and shouldn't be now.'

**'Then why are you knocking now?'**

'Because if my mom doesn't recognize me she will beat me before I even get a chance to tell her anything.'

"What if she doesn't recognize me?"

"She will don't worry all moms have that sixth sense when it comes to their kids."

"Do you think I'll have it?"

"I don't know but my dad has it I think so the chances are not so bad."

The door opened and a smiling middle aged woman with graying red hair and Sakura's green eyes stepped out and hugged Ino.

"Ino it's been so long since I've seen you around here, how are your parents are they enjoying being retired?"

"Hello Mrs. Haruno it's good to see you again and yes my parents are great they love being retired."

Sakura cleared her throat to get her mother's attention.

"I am not talking to you. You don't call don't visit, then you just show up here looking like this. You didn't even give me a hug to soften me up a little first." Mrs. Haruno said shocking Sakura and amusing Ino.

"See I told you she would know it was you," Ino said giggling.

Mrs. Haruno stood with her arms crossed over her chest tapping her foot waiting for her daughter to explain herself. Sakura walked over to her mother and wrapped her in a vice like hug.

"I'm sorry mom I didn't mean to things have just been so weird lately. I haven't been dealing with it well." Sakura said tearfully as she hugged her mother.

"I know your sorry now apologize," Mrs. Haruno said kissing her daughters bent head taking the sting from her words.

"I'll make it up to you I can do something around the house or I can take you out for dinner or both." Sakura said hopping to get on her mother's good side.

"Well I already have dinner planed out and there is nothing to do around here so I guess your just going to have to owe me one."

Sakura nodded her head pathetically hugging her mother once again.

"So what brings you here looking ready to wet your pants and why are you still using that silly boys jutsu for, take it off and come in."

**'Crap we can't do that.'**

'Duh!'

"Um mom I can't take it off," Sakura said nervously looking at Ino to help.

'Why do I feel so stupid all the sudden?'

**'No air is getting to your brain breath for heaven's sakes!'**

"Lady Tsunade turned her into a boy and the only way she will put her back is well why don't we go in and sit down before we finish this conversation." Ino said in a rush reaching out and closing Sakura's mouth that was left hanging open in her shock.

'She didn't just say that tell me she didn't just say that.'

**'She did, I wish I could tell you she didn't but she did.'**

"Oh dear life has been weird then hasn't it, but don't think I am going to let you off the hook you still owe me one."

'She took that well.'

**'Creepy.'**

Sakura nodded having some how lost her voice. She followed her mom and Ino into the house where they sat down in the family room.

"So do either of you want something to drink the sun tea should be ready."

"That would be great thank you Mrs. Haruno," Ino said.

**'This is were you say something.'**

It got quiet as they waited for Sakura to answer, making Ino reach over and pinch the hell out of Sakura's thigh causing her to react.

"Tea sounds great mom here let me help you with it," Sakura squeaked out following her mother to the kitchen.

**'That's going to leave a bruise.'**

"The tea is on the back deck why don't you get it and I will get the lemons and glasses."

Sakura nodded and went to do her mother's bidding.

Soon they were all sitting back in the family room each having a glass of tea in front of them and the silence was defining.

"So will one of you explain to me why my daughter is now my son and how she will be my daughter again."

**'I think we are suppose to answer this.'**

'How the hell am I going to tell her that I have to make her a grandmother before I can be turned back.'

**'Well you could just tell her that.'**

'Why is she so flustered her mom is being so cool about this so far? I guess I have to tell her.' Ino thought shaking her head.

"Well that's the tricky part she has to father a child."

"Right," Mrs. Haruno said slowly. "Let see if I got this right, Lady Tsunade turned you into a boy and will not turn you back until I am a nana." She said very slowly so there would be no way to misunderstand what she was saying.

"Um that's the short of it yes," Sakura said finely speaking up.

"Why did she do it, Who's going to be the mother of the child, where are you going to live not that hole in the wall you call an apartment…." She said, in such a rush Ino's head started to spin.

"One question at a time mom," Sakura said panicked.

"Why did she do it?"

"It's for a mission that will bring the village out of debt and save some of the head families from killing each other over heir disputes." Sakura answered quickly.

"Who is going to be the mother of this child?"

"That would be me Mrs. Haruno," Ino said shyly.

"Where are you going to live?"

"Well we were going to house hunt today and if we can't find a house we will build on one of the open lots," Sakura said gaining more confidence.

"Why do you want to be the mom Ino?"

"That's a heavy question Mrs. Haruno, but I guess I will start just like I did with Sakura and put my cards on the table first," Ino said taking a deep breath.

"That would only be right honey."

"First off I want you to know I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't care for Sakura it wouldn't be right," Ino said looking at Sakura as she said it. "Other than caring for Sakura by doing this I will never have to go on a mission again and my family's debt to the village will be paid in full. I will still have to teach others my skills outside of my bloodline trait. Those are my cards but there is a bit more to it," Ino said looking Mrs. Haruno in the eye. "I will not keep Sakura from her child, I plan to help raise this child with her, and I don't give a rats ass if she is male or female when all is said and done she will be my new team." Ino finished emotionally.

"Well damn I knew I was going to be a nana before I turned forty, but I guess I can't be to angry I was seventeen when I had you. I guess all I can really say is at least it isn't that punk Sauske, he didn't care enough about anyone but himself. Before you say anything Sakura you know I am right if I wasn't he would be here now and not dead."

"I have been over my crush on him for a long time mom but he was still my friend, so for both of us please don't talk about him like that."

"Fine but I do have one more thing to ask you."

"What is that mom," Sakura asked with a sigh.

"Are you two planing on getting married, the only reason I am bringing it up is because I am sure Inoichi will very likely insist on it."

"I um (coughs) we haven't talked about it yet but I wouldn't be against the idea or anything," Sakura all but sputtered out her face an unhealthy shade of maroon.

"We will deal with that when it comes up Mrs. Haruno," Ino said in a hurry.

"That fine as long as you keep that in mind and you might as well start calling me mom Ino your going to be a part of the family now."

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Well there it is the next chappy wow two in one month cool. Enough of that I would like to thank all of the readers for putting up with me. Please review it keeps me flowing if nothing else and this chapter is in thanks to the input of my readers. Thanks you guys and gals have been great.

The next chapter will have house hunting, Ino's parents and times with Shika and Chouji.


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